Sometimes, you look back and wonder where time has gone. Yet, in following moments you see exactly where it went. One of my greatest challenges is fully accepting a truth that’s so glaringly simple and powerful beyond measure that it completely disintegrates an entire decade of searching for answers to problems that caused me so much pain. That’s a lot to chew on. I’m reminded of the book “Holes” by Louis Sachar where a group of young men were digging out in the desert seeking treasure. They dug and dug and dug and time and time again came up with nothing. In many ways, I can relate. Often I’ve felt like I’ve been diggin in all of the wrong places. While I’ve found some…
a man chasing dreams
Posts by thebettermanprojects
It’s been a long time since I’ve been here. Nearly half a year. But in that time, so much has happened. I’ve changed in so many ways. But most importantly… I finally broke through. I finally saw what was around the bend. Let me take you back a bit. When I first heard that call to head to the mountains and spend time alone, I wasn’t sure what I was going to find. It turned out that the entire experience served as a mirror to who I really was. No illusions…just a perfect mirror image serving up an unflinchingly realistic view. I saw who I had been, who I was and glimpses of who I could really be. And then, the cycle started. See…
Over time and somewhere along the way… I lost perspective of something very very important. The steps I’ve taken. Ever since I was little, I’ve been incredibly hard on myself. Not in the way of bringing myself down (although that happened at times) but more of a frustration knowing that I could act better than I was. As time went on and life added up its rounds against me, that frustration grew. The anger of things not going my way compounded and I felt demoralized that this was all that life had to offer. I’m not sure exactly when it was but at some point I started hearing a voice that was telling me that there was more to understand, unlock and explore than…
“It’s time.” I whispered that to myself this morning. I knew it was time to come back to my writing and put down everything that’s been happening into words. To be honest, this time period has been quite complicated. As I’ve taken more and more responsibility for my life and headed down the paths that I have been shown, there’s been this awakening that has come with an onslaught of past memories and experiences. People. Places. Events. Moments. They have all come to the surface and revealed themselves at once. Part of me thinks that I was almost walking around asleep or blind to it all. This, at times, has been incredibly difficult to process. While there’s a sense of clarity and understanding, there’s…
It’s hard to explain where I’ve been. Even though I was the one who walked the path, not every step was accounted for by memory. I was called to come back home from my travels, to dive deep into the mountains, to quiet everything down and to learn in a way like I never had before. The journey challenged me down to my core and asked of me far more than I had ever asked of myself. I raged and battled against it for some time but eventually I started to float down river with it and found things I never knew I was looking for. After a year of diving into the depths, I found my healers, mentors and guides. I found answers…
Throughout the years, I’ve reached a few moments in my life where I stand at a crossroads. I can continue down the path that I have known and discovered for a great deal of time, or I can answer a calling to head in a different direction. My soul, more than anything, knows the right answer to the question of “Which way should I go?” However, the rest of me has put up quite the fight and resisted despite my best intentions and efforts. This has been my story for the past few years now. The truth is, I wasn’t ready to move forward onto another unknown path. I was timid, nervous, and fearful that once again the shoe would drop and I would…
What do you see? What do you see around the bend? Your future. Your dreams. Your aspirations. What do they look like…feel like…move like? Can you touch them? Are they pieces of you that you are waiting to be introduced to? Are they in your fingertips? Do you believe in them? Can you hear them whisper? There is a calling I’ve heard for quite some time. In the past, I’ve written about my battles with it. I spoke about not wanting to give up the live I have lived in fear of what the future would bring. For the first time in my life, I started to see why I was so hesitant to move forward on a new journey. I saw that there…
I have to start out by saying that this lesson — letting go — has been the hardest thing I’ve ever learned in my life. And for that reason, I feel like I can speak on it tonight. I spent a majority of my lifetime trapped in the prison of the past. I couldn’t get out. I raged against it. I couldn’t stop myself from going back and perpetuating a loop of guilt, sadness, depression and pulling from the dark corners of my heart. I was consumed by it. Chased. Hunted. Ruined. And yet, I’m here tonight writing away in peace. A lot had to happen for this to take place. I think, in trying to figure out what I want to write about, that the best thing…
What’s been the difference? Gratitude. Gratitude for the good and the bad, the challenging moments and the ones filled with peace, and everything else in between. Those moments that rock my world, I’m grateful for those too (even though at times I wished they weren’t happening) because they teach me so many important lessons. This path has not been easy. It’s been anything but easy. But the absolute truth is..it’s been worth it. Without the ups and the downs, I would have never been able to become who I am today and in many ways I feel like I am just getting started. What often trips me up is that I have always felt old at heart and I forget that even at 29…
Birthdays are always a time period of deep reflection for me. This past one, 29, offered something quite different though. Perspective. Grounding. Peace. I think for a long time I drifted in the waters wondering if I was heading on the right path. I felt that there was this transition inside of me — painful at times — that tugged and pulled at what needed to go and I finally released. I let go of some things that I really needed to let go of. An old life, old people and many old events. I went through this bizarre transition period of feeling this guilt with all of the knowledge and wisdom I had gained over the years. I looked back on previous moments of my life and…
