It has been an interesting few years to say the least.

There have been many many challenges across the board (too many to list) and even more changes.

But I want to talk about something important that’s emerged from it all – acceptance.

Acceptance is a very interesting word.

As time as gone on, I’ve really understood acceptance to be many different things.

Ownership.

Responsibility.

Alignment.

Fluidity.

There are many other words I would use to describe it.⁠

But most of all, I’ve viewed acceptance as a deep embracing of things as they are.

I also know what acceptance isn’t.

It isn’t what I thought life should be.⁠

That gap can be very difficult to traverse sometimes.

There’s an incredible amount of friction that’s created when the mind is at war with how things actually are. It fights it in all sorts of ways and pain seems to compound.⁠

It’s even more at work when something significant happens “to you.”

This “shouldn’t” have happened.

This “should” have happened instead.

Lots of whys and what if’s also seem to come with it.⁠

But the fact of the matter is…it did happen.

It happened exactly the way it did. It didn’t happen any other way. It happened that way.

And maybe coming to that realization isn’t the easiest pill to swallow. But here’s what I can tell you after witnessing some of the bravest people I know truly own this…⁠

What comes from this is ownership, courage, bravery, responsibility, integrity, and eventually joy.⁠

Watching someone take the most difficult situations of their life, removing all of the judgement, shame, and betrayal, applying a whole lot of understanding, love and compassion is one of the most special things I get to be a part of on the daily.⁠

And honestly, being a part of that and helping facilitate it gives me more courage to continue to dig into my own story that I could ever imagine.⁠

You can’t change what happened.

But you can choose what happens next.⁠

I hope that gives you courage.⁠

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

A Practical Guide To Building Self-Awareness

Evan Sanders

Posted on March 27, 2023

I wanted to dig into the topic of self-awareness because it’s one of those absolutely crucial things that help us move forward in life.

A lot of people talk about how you need to be self-aware but everyone lands on the same question…how?

How do you actually build and develop that skill?

That’s what I want to break down simply for you today and give you some things that you can use.

First, let’s get a general definition of self-awareness.

Self-awareness is understanding of what is taking place in your experience.

Thoughts, feelings, actions, way of being.

It’s about understanding how you are showing up in the world and what’s taking place in your experience.

Now why do we need to develop this (besides the obvious)?

Because self-awareness allows us to take a look at our lives and change course if needed. We are able to see if we are showing up in the world in healthy or destructive ways.

And when we come to a deeper insight of how we function in the world and with the people in it, we can shift that experience if needed.

If you don’t have that, you can’t change anything at all.

You’re a slave to your experiences and they will repeat over and over again.

So that’s our general understanding.

There are two different ways to build self-awareness.

The first one is self-reflection.

Self-reflection is when we look back on an experience – whether 10 seconds ago or 10 years ago – and seek to learn from the experience.

What really happened here?
How did I show up in this situation?
What was I feeling, and what was I thinking?

When you look back on the past through the eyes of understanding and seeking wisdom, you start to see how events transpired the way that they did and your role in them.

What eventually comes of this is a deeper insight into how you can work with your thoughts, emotions and actions to arrive at a better outcome.

So that’s self-reflection.

The act of looking back on the past and gaining insight into the how and why things happened the way that they did.

Next is self-observation and this is where things get a bit more interesting.

Self-observation is fundamentally about understanding what is happening for you in the moment.

How am I showing up right now?
What’s taking place in this moment?
Do I need to shift my way of being?

This is a bit tricker because there are so many thoughts and emotions flying around all the time that it can be difficult to slow things down enough to see yourself in the moment.

But, when you can take a step back from those thoughts and emotions – stepping out of the river I call it – and see what’s taking place, you can make a change in the moment.

When we can change in the moment we are in, we have far more control in creating the outcome we want.

Harder to do?

Yes.

But it’s an absolutely critical part in developing well rounded self-awareness.

Okay.

But how do we develop these two really important elements of self-awareness?

For self-reflection, we start to look at moments and situations in our lives and try to look at them as objectively as we can.

As I said above, it’s critical to look at the past through the eyes of wisdom and understanding.

If you go down the path of judgement and self-criticism, you will be blinded by a flood of negativity.

So if you’re going to look, look with wisdom.

By looking at the past through these eyes, you will start to gain insight into your story and how it has unfolded.

Accountability. Responsibility. Compassion. Understanding.

All of these things flow into the forefront of your mind as you start to see just how much of an impact your way of showing up in the world has had on specific things taking place.

These things are the building blocks of our freedom.

As for self-observation we practice stopping in the moment and seeing how we are showing up in the world.

What’s here right now?
What emotions are here?
What are the thoughts that are running through my mind?
What’s taking place in my body?

These questions that you ask are the keys to understanding what’s taking place in the moment.

Another great way of engaging in self-observation is the practice of meditation, which I will be writing an entire other article about.

In the end, self-awareness practices help us understanding ourselves on a far deeper level and give us the capacity to change how we will show up in the future.

You can free yourself from repeating patterns and make sure that the way forward represents the best of who you are.

And as I always love to say…

In order to know where you’re going, you have to understand where you’ve been.

Hope this helps.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

PS. If you’re looking for some help/support navigating through life’s challenges and would like to learn more about working with me in my coaching program privately, head to www.1on1withevan.com

Go With The Flow

Evan Sanders

Posted on March 13, 2023

When you have faith that the right things will be in your life and show up as they are designed to, then all of the fear of what might leave begins to disappear.

As with all things, they are meant to come and go.

But we love to hold on.

We love to grip everything so tight even to the point of sometimes not giving it enough freedom.

Relax your grip. Breathe. The things that are meant for you will be there.

This has been one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned (and am still learning every single day).

I used to be at war with life.

I had such a hard time with “going with the flow.”

I figured that if I just hiked upstream against the rivers will that I could just “make things happen.” But the problem was I couldn’t adjust when things inevitably ended and thought that the heavens themselves had something against me.

What I failed to see in those younger years is that things were leaving for a very good reason.

Of course it would hurt. Sometimes it hurt badly.

But every single time, something better came along.

Something that would teach me, help me grow, and put me on the right path. I know it can be hard to deal with the coming and going of things.

It can be difficult to understand. But if you hold onto your faith and trust in whatever you believe in, you’ll be okay. In fact, you’ll be more than okay.

Keep that heart open. Never close off.

Heal your wounds and stay open to wonderful things happening.

When you lose your way, come back to who you know you are and what makes you…you.

Don’t ever forget where you came from.

One last thing.

Your mindset matters more than anything with this. If you see things coming and going as an indicator that you’re cursed and the universe is conspiring against you, you’re going to head down a pretty dark path.

Trust me on that one.

The truth?

There’s no big agenda against you I promise.

But if you see everything happening as part of the process, no matter how painful it may be at time, you’ll at least give yourself a chance to heal, learn and move forward.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Do It For You

Evan Sanders

Posted on March 12, 2023

Do it for “you.”

Do it because it’s going to make you proud.

Do it because it resonates with your soul.

That’s when you’re going to find so much joy and happiness when you finally cross the finish line of whatever you’ve set out to do.

The problem is so many people attach their sense of self worth to the opinions, approval and judgements of those who are around them or who they don’t even know.

When you do that, you’re going to be in for very rocky ride because everything in the outside world is constantly shifting and changing.

People can’t even decide what they want on a menu let alone give you a deeply thoughtful, compassionate, and well delivered take on what you are doing. Everyone changes their minds on a whim.

There’s an old quote that I love and I’ll do my best to paraphrase it.

It goes, “if you build yourself upon the compliments of others you will most certainly fall upon the sword of their criticisms.” Isn’t that the truth of truths.

Remember that people’s judgements and criticisms are 100% free.

They are literally so cheap you can get them anywhere at anytime. I think if they cost a lost more than that – say $1,000 a piece – that people would be much more conscious of the criticisms they pass your way.

But as it stands now, they don’t cost anything, so don’t take it so hard when someone doesn’t like what you’re doing or what you’re about.

Their attention span is around 8 seconds anyway.

So knowing that, turn within.

Answer to yourself and to what you believe in. Always be willing to listen to those who are really trying to serve you, take criticism with a grain of salt, and check everything against your best of intentions.

If you whittle it all down to what resonates with your heart, you can hardly go wrong.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Turning Straw Into Gold

Evan Sanders

Posted on March 11, 2023

Is it possible to turn straw into gold?

Yes. Yes it is.

But it’s a process and it takes quite a bit of time. And you’re going to need a whole lot of love, understanding, wisdom and a light heart on your journey to get there. ⁠
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The greatest shift you will ever make is letting go of wisdom and moving towards compassion.

When you do this, you turn on the light.

When you’re constantly judging everything that’s happened or happening in life, you’re trapped.

There’s no visible way through because you’re at war with how things are. ⁠
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But when you let go of all the judgement and start to view life through much gentler eyes, you see that even though what has happened in life may have been painful, you can understand how you can transform it into something productive.

You may use your voice.
You may support others.
You may heal yourself down to the core and show others the way. ⁠
⁠
And this is how we turn straw into gold.

You turn on the lights. You find the dark spots still residing within your heart and see it in ways that you may never have before.

What you will come to find when you look at things in a completely different way is that the thing itself changes.

It moves, shifts and morphs and often of times washes right back out into the ocean.

Trust in the path.

Shine a light on what hurts.

Allow yourself to feel everything deeply and it will eventually leave you.

Let the story you tell yourself about what has happened be one of healing and not one that will continue the pain.

Let go.
Breathe.
Let go again.⁠
⁠
You’ve got this.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

It’s In The Risk

Evan Sanders

Posted on March 10, 2023

It’s in the risk. That’s where you grow.

There’s no doubt that it feels fantastic when you finally achieve something.

But that’s not where the souls gold is.

It’s in who you become during that process that matters more than anything.

Embrace that. Know it deeply.

If everything works out then great! If you try and fail, that’s ok too.

It’s part of the process.

Keep going because you’re growing.

Failure is just feedback. That’s all.

Don’t take it so hard it’s showing you that you need to go in a different direction.

But the journey, that’s where the magic is.

Whenever I’m going through the thick of it and really losing my motivation to carry forward, I always think of Theodore Roosevelt’s famous speech The Man In The Arena. He said…

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

You have to get out on the field of life.

You’re going to fail. That’s inevitable. Don’t be afraid of it. Welcome it.

Because at least you’re playing. At least you’re showing up willing to do what it takes to make your dreams, goals and ambitions come to light.

One day, you will win. If you keep changing your strategy and come back to the table again and again, you will find a way.

But, if you refuse to play the game at all, you will lose and lose big.

The cost of not playing is living with a lifetime full of regret.

And that, is far worse than failing.

So get out there and be willing to learn.

You will find your way.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Time To Let Go

Evan Sanders

Posted on March 9, 2023

Let go. Let go. Let go.

The whisper that’s been trying to teach me throughout my entire life.

It’s always been that message.

The same lesson, over and over again, in a thousand different ways.

I started writing back when I was 19 and it helped me process everything I was going through. I started to let go and little by little things changed.

But then, I ran to the future instead.

Maybe if I lived in the world of dreams and what could be I would be happier?

Wrong again.

The voice cams back.

I learned that you could suffer from living in the future just as much as living in the past.

It doesn’t matter if it’s painted with possibility, there’s still one issue.

All you can be is “here.”

Your mind can wandered to “there” as much as you let it.

But “there” doesn’t exist. You only have this moment…right here.

So that led me to this…

No matter what is going on in your life, you have a choice to make. Meet it with light or darkness. Love or fear.

The circumstances will change constantly.

Things will go up and down and those situations you can’t control. But you can control what you do with those situations.

You can write the next pages of your story as you please.

So be here.

Come back when you drift.

This moment is yours.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

The Courageous Are Not Fearless

Evan Sanders

Posted on March 8, 2023

Courage is not about being completely fearless.

It’s about feeling fear and moving forward anyway.

You’re never going to feel 100% ready. That moment will never arrive.

You will never reach a place where you feel completely comfortable as the planets and stars align.

The perfect moment will never arrive.

Never.

So instead, begin.

Begin your journey wherever you are. This moment is as good as any.

The thing you don’t want to run into is spending an entire lifetime waiting for that perfect moment and to be stuck idling in place. If you’ve found yourself delaying for days, years or decades, begin now.

The important part is that you actually start. Then, you can learn from all that procrastination.⁣⁣⁣
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Every step you take is new. You’re different. Life is different.

Everything around you has shifted and changed.

No matter how “the same” things seem, they are completely and entirely different. Everything, in every moment, is coming and going.

Don’t allow your mind to trick you into thinking that you’re the exact same person as you used to be. Even if you’ve “stalled” you’ve still changed.⁣⁣⁣
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There will come a point in your life when you’re going to be able to look at the “negative” experience and gain a tremendous amount of wisdom, compassion and insight from them.

However the only way you get to that point is by getting out of your own way, dropping all of the judgement and moving forward with a perspective rooted in love.

When you can do that, everything will rapidly shift for you.

Trust me.⁣⁣⁣

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

These Dreams You Have

Evan Sanders

Posted on March 5, 2023

These dreams you have exist for a reason.

They are whispers coming from the soul speaking of potential, possibility and growth.

Honor them.
Listen to them.
Create them.
Step fully into them.

The path you travel will never be completely clear.

Waiting until you’re fully ready to throw yourself into it sets you up to never actually go for it.

Trust me, I’ve spent more time than you can imagine waiting for the right moment for it only to never come.

The truth is, you’re never going to feel completely ready. You’re never going to feel like you’ve got everything figured out.

But you’re not supposed to.

There’s so many elements of the future that you could never predict and only will be able to address when you reach them.

So, when you get to the place where you’re just a little more excited than afraid, that’s when you go for it.

That’s when you go all in. To hell with playing it safe…it will never get you anywhere significant.

My favorite movie drops one of the greatest nuggets of wisdom ever.

Chef Gusteau says, “You must be imaginative, strong-hearted. You must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true – anyone can cook, but only the fearless can be great.

Don’t be afraid to dream big. Don’t be afraid to chase after the best version of you. If you believe you can make it happen, then go for it.

The world has seen impossible turn to possible time and time again.

But everyone who achieved that had one very important characteristic – belief.

They saw something far beyond what many could and they trusted that vision.

It’s yours to create.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

You Can Always Find Your Way

Evan Sanders

Posted on March 4, 2023

I believe that no matter where your journey has taken you or how lost you might feel, you can always find your way to the path you were meant to travel. ⁠
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Mine, when I look back on it so far, has had its many wild twists and turns. I’ve lost my footing a handful of times.

I’ve walked in directions I knew I shouldn’t have. I’ve experienced the darkest of darks to the brightest of lights.

And oh I struggled.

Deeply.

Like that soul wrenching struggle that squeezes the air out of your lungs.⁣⁠
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I’ve raged against what had come to be. I’ve battled currents I couldn’t overrun. I’ve given up completely and been swept downstream by fear.

I’ve suffered at the hands of others in all the ways that you can. And while I watched everyone go out into the world and live their life to the fullest, I was left feeling so scarred and wounded that my soul was like it was Swiss cheese.⁣⁠
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This wasn’t the best place to be.

I never asked for it, but surely enough it had arrived in full force and with conviction. What I soon discovered was that no matter how mad I was or how much others were to blame, it never fixed anything.

It only kept me trapped in the past drinking the same poison over and over again.⁠
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So, as hard as it was, I had to learn to own all of it.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

I had to accept that this was my story for better or for worse. I had to take responsibility for myself.⁠
⁣⁠
And here’s what came of that.

Strength.
Choice.
Light.

No longer did I have to see myself as a victim.

I could decide for myself how the pages of my story were going to be written even after ink was thrown all over many chapters of the book.⁠
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And even though I tripped up thousands of times trying to turn it all around, eventually I started to get some things right.

Then, some more. Then, even more.⁣ And with some learning and guidance, even more. ⁠
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I dug myself out of pit that I never thought I would be able to get out of. ⁠
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With ownership comes freedom. You let go of the things that harm your soul and make space for what’s meant to be.

It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to take time.

But the chance to really live beyond pain…that’s worth it. ⁠
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Own it. ⁠

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project