My internal dialogue used to sound a lot like the following when dealing with my problems.

“Run! Sweep it under the rug. Deal with it later. Just forget about it.”

When I was going through the mud, that was life for me. I just ran. I ran from everything, especially if it had some negative feelings attached to it.

My emotions were all over the place. I overthought things like it was my job and I was a human avalanche just waiting to happen because of all the stress. I was constantly living in a place of fear.

All I wanted was to just get out of this nightmarish groundhogs day, but I was so scared of failing and putting myself out there that I just stayed stuck in the same place.

This looming mental barrier felt impossible to get past and a big dark cloud followed me snuffing out any happy moments I had.

Life was pretty grim in this place.
Then something happened that was far beyond coincidence.

One day my coach who I had been working with for a while couldn’t make her appointment with her own coach and so she called me up and asked me if I would like to take her spot.

I immediately said, “YES” because her teacher was very well known and only worked with a handful of people. I knew I couldn’t miss that chance. So I wiped my calendar clean for the day and a few hours later drove to the depths of San Jose.

While being very excited, I had no idea what to expect. However, as soon as I walked into her home office and saw her for the first time, I knew I was going to be okay because she reminded me of The Oracle from The Matrix.

I sat down and within minutes just started speaking from my heart. I told her everything that was going on. I shared my fears, doubts and worries. I spilled out all of the secrets I had never told anyone. The mask came off and I just sat there vulnerable and exposed.

It became very apparent to me in speaking with her how much fear gripped my life. Then, she did something I would never forget. She looked me in the eyes and said,

“The things we run from end up owning us.”

I think there are a few moments in life when you hear something that couldn’t come at a better time. This was definitely one of those for me.

Her words shook me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

She helped me realize that everything I was avoiding was running my life. It was tearing me apart. Everything that I swept under the rug hoping that it would just disappear was still there waiting to be dealt with.

It was never going away. If I didn’t deal with it, it would just get worse.

I had to face that big dark wolf that I had been running from for so long. It was time to take back control and do what I had avoided forever. I had to summon my courage and turn to face my deepest of fears.

To be honest, I really didn’t want to do this. I thought that I would be eaten alive and destroyed by my fears. Even thinking of going back into some of these old traumatic events that happened in my life was terrifying. But knew I had to do it.

So here comes this big metaphorical turn to finally face that dark wolf (bracing myself for an extinction level event).

But something really unexpected happened.
Instead of seeing my worst nightmare ready to devour me… I only saw…a little kitten.

In that moment, I realized that because I had my back turned to my problems for so long, they all were blown way out of proportion.

The shadow of that little kitten became a huge wolf that fed upon my fear and grew way out of control. I was terrified of nothing. Right there and then, I learned what fear really stands for.

False Evidence Appearing Real

All of the things I was scared of, when I finally faced them, started to crumble away one by one. I learned that when darkness is exposed to our light it dissolves into thin air. Even our deepest fears, while being more difficult to work with, eventually soften in the presence of love and light.

As great as all this was, it was the sense of courage that I got back that mattered to me the most. That’s what really counted. No longer was fear suffocating that inherent inner confidence and willpower I knew I always had inside.

I remember working with someone who always ran away from everything as well. Their story actually reminded me a lot of my own in many ways, and here’s what happened when they made the same shift.

“I can promise you if you are prepared to do the work the rewards will come in abundance. Now, I have a new story which is full of so much love, gratitude, forgiveness, courage and strength to face the world every day with a “no matter what comes my way I can do this” attitude.”

If that’s not confidence, then I don’t know what is.

So you might be thinking, “Well what if I turn and face my fear but get overrun by it?” The truth is, when you turn towards what you’re scared of head on, it starts to shrink immediately. You can see it for what it is when it’s exposed to the light. Then, you can dissolve it.

You also might be thinking, “Well, I’m no Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson with smoldering intensity, how can I do this?!” Remember Secret 1? You’ve have everything you need. Just connect to it. You’re already the hero of your own story.

And if you’re thinking, “What if I have too many fears to handle all at once?” Take your time and start small. Start with one little fear you have and see how this works. When you gain some courage and momentum, go for the bigger ones. You’re in no rush.

This secret is worth its weight in gold.

Now you can master and transform your fears by facing the things that scare you instead of running from them. Now you can act out of courage and fearlessness.

The next time you get a bit scared, I want you to visualize a little kitten eating a wolf! If you do you’ll have a mental shift and know which way to go next (or at least a good laugh!)

Evan Sanders

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