metanoia
(n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life.
I’ve always loved that word and what it stands for. More than any other word, it is the complete embodiment of my entire purpose of writing and why I started this project.
I’m doing my best to change my mind, heart, self and way of life.
All of them.
The other day I came across a quote that read, “It ran into your family until it ran into you. You’ve been anointed to break the cycle. Generational curses end with you.”
Throughout the past year or so, I’ve had some difficulty stepping up to the plate and answering that call. To be honest, it can seem daunting at times. I also believe that the reason why I’ve struggled so much with it is because I’m also finding my faith again.
Many many years ago I lost touch with what I really believed in and through a series of perfectly timed events, I’ve started to reconnect with it. That process has been far from easy as I’m still dealing with these old elements of myself that continue to pop up and get in the way.
I think this is where the persistence comes in.
Even though I’ve been crossing the river and falling in more times than I ever could have imagined, there’s still that desire to get to the other side.
I’m not the most talented person in the world, but the one thing I do know I have is a sense of resilience that can never be doused out completely.
The journey to discover who you really are isn’t pretty all the time.
It can get messy. It can hurt. It can drive you batshit crazy at times.
But it’s worth it.
It’s worth going through the endless amounts of failure so you can finally experience what it’s like when it finally clicks.
The task I’m taking on every single day isn’t small. It’s a big ask. But deep within my heart, I know that I wouldn’t be asked to do this if I wasn’t capable.
So I’m going to keep on trying.
Keep on looking for answers and asking for help when I feel stuck.
In time all things will come to fruition.
Just keep going.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project