It’s been said that the greats of our time were able to see around the corner to the next big thing.

For me, sitting her tonight listening to the crickets go wild as summer comes to a close, I’m in a very grateful place. This gratitude hasn’t come because of simply a few things coming together by chance. Instead, it has been a long time coming because of some faith that I had in myself that things would work out for the better. Too often in my life I haven’t acknowledged that the moment I am in currently is the result of the faith that I had months to sometimes years back, so this is my effort to acknowledge that moment. Honestly, I just want to give a little smile and a nod to that man who believed in himself enough, despite any amount of turmoil that was going on in his life, to go for it no matter what.

When you know, you know.

There are a lot of good things in my life right now. But if I’ve learned anything over these past 6 months, I’ve learned to tap into something that has been evoked in me more than anything else…

I will love you fearlessly.

Maybe someone out there will be able to relate to what I’m about to say about this – I’ve usually found out that this was the case. The amount of internal pressure that builds up inside of me when I am not fearlessly loving is, for lack of more elegant words, intense. My mom and dad have told me that ever since I was little, I have been intense about most things in my life. I fiercely attack my goals and love others with an intensity that has taught me some pretty interesting things throughout the years. I’ve always been told by those around me that it takes a certain type of person to really be able to handle me and accept that love. Whenever things didn’t work out for me in the past, I’ve blamed myself. I tried to tone things down or hold things back…which always created a horrible imbalance inside of me. Or, because I hadn’t matured yet enough yet as a man, this intensity would be handled without grace or skill on my end.

What I’ve learned throughout the years of doing this though and diving into my life day after day is that this intensity can be focused and harnessed to make it just that much more powerful and effective. Before, I used to leak my own personal power because my life was like an uncontrolled lightning storm. I would just strike at whatever and eventually burn myself out. But recently, when I’m doing my practices and taking care of myself, I can generate one big bolt of energy when I need it and more importantly, have it be a sustained burn instead of a quick strike.

But I have to take care of myself…and even more, I have to love fearlessly.

The things that stop me from moving forward are typically never external circumstances, but rather misguided energy from within. I will lose focus, leak energy, or let the internal critic of judgement and speculation run rampant in my mind. When that critic gets going, it’s harsh. It’s very harsh. It’s something that I work with constantly but I’ve realized that as my capacities to encourage others and connect with their hearts deeper and deeper has grown…this critic when it sounds of gets worse and worse. In truth, the things that it says to me are so beyond harsh and cruel that it takes me a few minutes to really gather myself back and make a decision to move forward.

The choice that I have to make consistently is to live in a land of fear, speculation, anxiety, doubt, worry…or to live in a land of fearless loving. While I know 100 times out of 100 that I would rather live in a place of fearless loving, sometimes that critical voice is so draining at moments that it can bring me down a few pegs. This is my effort to acknowledge that this voice is there…it is loud…and I do work with it so I can continue to make better choices with how I want to move forward with my life.

Over the course of thousands of days of writing, it’s interesting for me to see those words fearless loving come out onto the page. I’ve had a multitude of words that have made their importance prominent in my life – love, passion, never quit, integrity – and each of them have had a massive purpose behind them. I’ve learned these lessons though the worst of the worst and came out a better person because of everything that happened. But there’s something different about knowing that it really has whittled down to those two words after 5 years of doing this…

Fearless loving.

If you can love others, yourself, your environment, your body, and your entire life fearlessly…I mean what couldn’t you do?

You would be able to stand for other peoples greatness day after day. You could stretch yourself and challenge your boundaries. You could help other people create this exact same story for themselves. You could say to the people you love and care about exactly what is in your heart. You could be vulnerable. You could be intentional and strong in deed. You could inspire the world.

But you would have to commit.

You would have to deeply commit to this fearlessness that would scare many away but attract those who needed it the most. My greatest fear that I’ve always had to end up with was that I was going to end up alone. As an enthusiast about life, that’s where my greatest challenge is. The fear of not belonging and being alone. I can tell you though, because I’ve lived though that place before – of not belonging – living in that place of your deepest fear, if it’s actually happening to you…it lacks one huge thing that could change your whole life.

Your decision to live in a different way.

You don’t have to spend your entire life living as a victim of circumstance. I understand all too well that there are some thins that happen in life that really do happen to you and that they are beyond horrible. I know this very well. There is not a single piece of my heart that isn’t deeply touched by a person across from me telling me their deepest darkest secret and how it influenced their life. I will love you through that. I will be there for you every single step of the way while you are in it and coming out of it.

But I will also fearlessly love you.

Because that’s my gift, my calling, and why I am here. I will help you paint an entirely new story for yourself if you are willing to hold my hand and find out what that could be like for you. Why can I do that? Be there through it all?

A dot on the line of life just connected in my head just now.

I can do that, because people have left me time and time and time again. They’ve bailed on me, lied to me, taken advantage of me, broken my heart, betrayed me, and everything else in the book. And what did I get from all of that? I realized that because all of that happened to me…I could be peoples rock…the most solid and uncompromising thing in their life…and that I was willing to go through hell and high water with them because I was standing for them and what’s possible for their life. I’ve learned to walk away from those who abuse my love…but if you don’t abuse it, I could love you in such a way that you would never doubt that I am there, right behind you, supporting you, and willing to go to battle for you if you needed me.

When I’m being that man…I’m fearlessly loving.

When I’m being that man…I’m me.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project