Day (130) – ?……..!
Posted on January 24, 2012
So why the hell did he start his blog with ?….! is probably the question you are asking yourself right now. This is the best way I can represent life. A question mark (problem or situation comes up)………..the thinking in between…..and the ! for action. One of the greatest tragedies is living your life with the belief that yesterday was too much, today is good enough, and tomorrow is going to be better. There is no tomorrow. I know that sounds like an unreasonable statement, but I don’t want to go to sleep anymore thinking that I will do it tomorrow. There might not be a tomorrow. Seriously though, I feel like we take for granted the fact that we will wake up the next day. This isn’t the case for a lot of people around the world. So how can I every single day get the most out of my life? I think just attacking my plan with a passion and purpose will get me to a successful end of the day. Speaking of purpose, I have officially finished day 2 of my juice fast and feel fantastic. I did get a little bit low on energy during one of my classes, but after my workout I got my juice fix and was back on top. I read that days 1-3 are the worst, but so far I have powered right through them and can’t wait to see what things are like at the end of 1 week, 2 weeks, and 3 weeks.
I am proud of myself today for a few reasons. One being that an opportunity presented itself where I could have tried to negotiate and change myself. If this writing has taught me anything, it is to be proud of who you are. I don’t think that there is any time where you can really care too much about someone. Ever since I was little I was known to have a big heart and really care about those around me. It never really stopped. What happens though is sometimes I try a little too hard to make things happen and it scares people away. It is something that I am working on…mellowing out a bit…and letting things flow naturally. You probably could tell by now that I am an incredibly competitive person, and when I want to get something done and accomplished I go after it with full force. When people’s feelings get involved things get a little bit tricky. Trust me, there are some people that I would text every single day to talk to them…but I know that right now is not the right time for that. I remember what Tracy taught me all those months ago. Hold the people you love with an open palm, so that they are free to fly away, and come back to you when it is their time. I believe this truly. There are many things that I feel but throughout the past 6 months I have learned to just listen to those feelings and see what they are saying. I also can start to hear why I am starting to feel that way. This has been one of the best things I have learned. Okay Evan, you can hear your thoughts and emotions…now why are they coming up. So what I was getting to here is this: people come and people go…and that is perfectly okay. There is nothing wrong with that. However, I do not depend on the fact that the future will bring them back. I have too much going on in the present right now to focus on something that does not exist. It may sound a bit jagged, but it really is the truth. I have been living a life that I love and one full of power because I have been living in the now. I realize that there is only so much I can do…which is a thought that is hard for me to cope with because I am constantly looking for ways to do things differently and improve. However, one of the best things for me to do is accept things for what they are in the present moment and let it be. Just like I preach being a certain way instead of wishing, sometimes I just have to let life be life.
I love the two above pictures because they completely represent where my mind is at right now. Someone asked me the other day what makes a better man…and I wanted to respond to that because I had some time to think it through. What makes a better man?
A better man for me is someone who does not settle for the way the world is, who seeks to make it better with his voice, and constantly looks at himself in the mirror diving into his soul-searching for how he can improve.
There it is. That is the summation of this whole project. Every single day of my life I dive into it and use it as a learning experience. I kid you not when I really truly lay down on my bed at the end of the day and think about what I went through that day and what I did with my life. One of my favorite songs is Against the Grain by City and Colour. I listen to this song a lot because it really calms me down at the end of the day and it puts me in a good place mentally. The message is you must follow your heart no matter what. I find this to be exceedingly difficult in a society where acting on your heart is rare and almost looked down upon. In just looking back on what has happened throughout today, I realized this: I am going to make mistakes, I am going to say and do the wrong things, but they are coming from a good place. What I mean is that I can honestly tell you that my intentions recently have all been coming from the heart. Whether it is communicating with someone who I haven’t talked to in a long time or smiling at someone passing by. My heart is amazingly full and bursting with dreams and love. There is no proper way to end this post, so I am going to end it with one of my favorite quotes.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. – Eleanor Roosevelt