Dear Past, I Never Thought I’d Thank You.

I tried to fight you, but you won. And now, I finally get it.

Dear Past,

Well, I didn’t see that coming. I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked like this. But honestly? I really didn’t think things were going to turn out the way they did.

But I guess that’s how it goes, huh?

All my plans, all my expectations…poof. Right out the window.

I thought I knew the way forward and convinced myself that things would unfold in a way that just made sense. But as I’ve come to understand, life doesn’t really care about making sense now does it?

It wants what it wants. It leaves behind what it leaves behind. It shapes you in ways you never see coming.

But I want you to know this—I get it now.

I see what you were trying to do. I see you working on me.

So let me tell you what I learned, because trust me, I got the message.

You taught me that before I can move forward, I have to stop the war against myself.

I know I’ve been my biggest obstacle. I’ve held onto old habits, old fears, and old stories that kept me stuck. I convinced myself I was moving forward, but I was just running in circles, repeating the same patterns and wondering why nothing changed. The pain was unavoidable. But the suffering? That was on me. And when I finally stopped fighting, when I trusted that something better was possible, the weight I had carried for years finally lifted.

You taught me that letting go isn’t losing—it’s making space for something greater.

I know I’ve gripped so hard onto what once was—to what should have been. To the version of life I thought I couldn’t live without. But when I finally let go, I wasn’t left with nothing—I was left wide open. Open to the new, to the unexpected. The toughest moments of my life weren’t there to punish me. They were there clearing the way for what was meant to come next.

You taught me that faith is the bridge between where I am and where I’m meant to be.

I wanted certainty. I wanted to know how it was all going to unfold. I wanted to know that if I took a step, the ground wouldn’t crumble underneath me. But life doesn’t work like that. There is no map. No guarantees. There’s only a fundamental choice—to trust or to fear. And I’ve learned that when I choose faith, and lean into the unknown with courage, the path unfolds exactly as it’s meant to.

You taught me that no path is ever wasted—even the ones that end.

I spent years knocking on locked doors waiting for them to open. Waiting for things to go back to how they were. But they never did. They were never going to. And that broke me. But I realized this—closed doors aren’t failures. They were redirections. All the wrong turns and dead ends I thought were wasted actually led me right here. And here? This is where I was always meant to be.

You taught me that knowing the path means nothing if I’m not willing to walk it.

Thoughts don’t change your life. Words don’t change your life. Action does. There are no perfect moments to begin. The right time never comes. The only time is now. And I know that if I want to change anything, if I want to unfold layer by layer, I have to stop waiting and start moving.

You taught me that peace isn’t about control—it’s about surrender.

This one has taken a while to learn. I thought that if I planned carefully enough, if I did everything by the book, that I could bend life to my will. But that doesn’t really work. Control has always been an illusion and never did anything for me. Peace comes when you stop gripping things so hard and let them unfold as they want to. Surrender was never about weakness. It was about freedom.

You taught me that fear isn’t a sign to stop—it’s a sign that I’m stepping into something bigger than I’ve ever known.

For so long, I let fear run the show. I ran from it constantly. It made me nervous. Uncertain. Full of hesitation. But I’ve learned that fear, more than anything, is an invitation. It means that I’m standing at the edge of something that really matters to me. And I refuse to let it write my story any longer.

You taught me to see things as they are, not as I wish them to be.

Honestly, this one cut deep. I had to let go of the way I thought things should be—the way I thought people should be. I had to see them clearly. As they are. Without an agenda. And that meant letting go of versions of people, places, and dreams that no longer existed. Versions of them I loved. It hurt. It still does. But the truth, no matter how painful it can be, will always be the way forward.

You taught me to pray.

Not just to whisper words into the air, but to really ask for help. To admit I couldn’t carry all of this on my own. And when I finally asked, I received. Help was always there just waiting for me to let it in. And it saved me.

So, dear Past, as relentless as you’ve been, I have to thank you. You didn’t give me what I wanted—you gave me what I needed. And yes, I had to learn a lot of that the hard way. Maybe that was the only way I ever would.

But I see it now.

And for the first time, I’m not looking back.

I’m walking forward.

And I know where I need to go.

Thank you.

Onward.

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Here’s how you can apply this to your own life:

Intention: To finally make peace with your past. Not by ignoring it, but by recognizing it for what it truly was—your greatest teacher.

Reflection: Take a moment to look back at a past version of yourself. The one who was struggling. The one who didn’t know how things would unfold. What were they holding onto? What were they afraid to release? If you could sit with them now, what would you tell them? What do you wish they had known?

Practice: Write a letter to your past self. Speak to them like an old friend, just like I did in the post above. Acknowledge their fears, their struggles, and everything they didn’t yet understand. Tell them what you know now. Tell them what they taught you. Tell them how, even through the hardest moments, they were shaping the person you are today.

When you’re done, read it aloud. Let it sink in. Let it be a moment of closure, release, and gratitude. Then close that chapter, not with regret, but with understanding.

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Thank you for being here,
—Evan