Looking For Answers
Posted on November 13, 2023
For a long time now, I’ve been seeking context. As I’ve been navigating through the land of a thousand tomorrows, it’s been pretty easy to begin to look at everything through the eyes of judgement.
The Critic has been vicious at times. But even in all of that, I don’t know where I would be if I had just given up or even refused to change courses. Both of those options would have been disastrous.
Even if I wasn’t ready to take on what I needed to, there’s a strange feeling in arriving to a place that you know will change the foundations of your life. I think that’s been the hardest part of this.
I’m not being asked to do something simple or easy. I’m being asked to do the hardest thing of all – let go of who I have been and embrace the process of simultaneous tearing down and rebuilding.
And that’s honestly a bit scary. But through it all, I’ve maintained course no matter how delayed movement has been. The intention is still there. The will is still there. Belief hasn’t left the building.
The context I eventually found goes back to something I learned from one of my coaches a long time ago. The truth is, we are all beginners. When we grow and shift, we reach new depths of life where we have to learn all over again. When the expectation exists that we are “experts” that’s when all of the wheels start to fall off.
And when I look back on why I’ve struggled so much moving consistently on this path it comes down to the fact that I’ve had to let go of years and years of previous ways of thinking and acting that solidified themselves deeper than I could have ever imagined.
I did this to survive. These are the remnants of a previous life where I was at war. It’s been hard letting go of that. To tell myself that I’m no longer in battle and now I can rest. That’s been the most challenging aspect – learning to let go, get out of the way and let the process take care of itself.
I learned in a past life how to exert my energy in such a way that could move mountains. Now, I have to learn how to conserve that same energy in such a way that will still…move mountains.
yin and yang.
Just have to let go.
Let the garden unfold as it’s meant to.
The Better Man Project