How far can I go?

How far into this unknown can I see and trust that, if I water those ideas with the seeds of belief, one day they will sprout into a blooming new universe?

Can I trust myself enough to set myself free from the things that have shackled me all my life and know, deep within my heart, that everything I’ve ever dreamed of and everything I need, whether given as a gift or a challenge, will be there for me?

These questions have been finding their way through my mind. They have been at the forefront, calling me to continue down the road, only to find out just how far one can really go.

There have been fundamental fears that have kept me in the same place for such a long time—fears that I have come to understand and step into. Fears that scare me to death, but I just know, somewhere deep inside, that if I do what I have been called to do, I will become something greater.

It’s hard for me to understand some of these things. These whispers. The whispers telling me to go.

But what I do understand is that the greatest fight of my life has always been in my mind. Because in my mind, I am attacked with fear, doubt, worry, anxiety, and everything else.

But as soon as I drop into my intuition and step into the wisdom of my heart, I am never let down. I tend to lose the battle in my mind because it tries to understand things that it’s not capable of understanding. But my heart, my heart always knows what’s right. My heart has never led me astray.

There are many things I don’t understand. But there are many visions I have. Visions of the future—images so fresh and clear that they almost seem as if they are real.

As I have been traveling down this path and seeing some of those visions come true, I wonder if it is something beyond my imagination that is calling me to do these things?

Is this my seeing without seeing?

Is this what it means to walk by faith and not by sight?

Because when I close my eyes, sometimes it’s as if they are open. They are blooming with curiosity and of a place far, far beyond where I am now. I can see past that place. I can see past the place all the way until the end… and yet, even the end doesn’t feel like the end.

At times, this vision has created pressure in my life—pressure because I was too scared to get into action. However, as time has gone on and I have gathered more and more faith, I do understand that the actions of today, in stepping outside of my comfort zones and of myself at times, are the very things that are going to create all of this.

An excess of faith—of which there is no such thing—actually allows you to soften your life.

Because if you have faith, no matter how bad things become or how challenging they may be, you understand that they too will change, and that you will be on the other side of it eventually.

This was one of the toughest things for me to have when I was younger. I didn’t understand faith. I didn’t understand patience.

Truly, for me, throughout this entire year with the learning of patience has come faith. It was patience before faith. Without the patience, how could you ever see anything all the way through?

You couldn’t.

You would discourage yourself because it wasn’t happening right now.

But what I came to understand is that this life doesn’t work on your timeline. It happens when it’s supposed to happen, and things come along your path when you are ready for them.

That’s how it always works. You are given what you need, not what you want, but what you need. And when you have a vision to become something greater, you are pounded, shaped, morphed, broken down, and put all back together to become that person.

There’s a brilliance to the way the universe works.

The problem is we try to understand it.

You can’t. You can’t understand something so far beyond your comprehension. But what does work—the only language that truly allows you to communicate with what is outside this human world—is faith.

Faith is the language of life. Faith is the language of patience.

Many people are of different faiths, but faith nonetheless. And that is beautiful.

So here I am, holding onto my faith. Holding onto a story and a feeling within my heart that has been warming as these days go by. I believe in something greater than this. I believe that stories are about to be written—and however those stories show up—that is the way they need to be.

Do I have hopes and dreams? Yes. Do I wish for certain things? Yes. But if those aren’t right for me, I will not object. I will humble myself and continue on… even if I struggle. Because this way, the way of belief, has never left me uncared for.

So I move forward with love.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project