Where Do I Even Begin?
Posted on February 9, 2023
Where do I even begin?
I guess I’ll start with what’s in my heart right now.
It’s taken me 10 years to arrive to a place, that when I started out on this journey, I could never have predicted what it all would have looked like.
Those years were full of victories and defeats of the greatest kind. And the truth is, along the way I acquired so many scars and wounds that a piece of me wanted to lock everything up and just hide.
That piece won out for quite some time.
Honestly I was just exhausted. How do you fill the cups of others when you don’t have anything in yours?
So there was nothing to pour out.
I hunkered down. Sat in it. Waited until the storm passed and learned so many things about myself along the way.
And that cup, well, it started to fill back up again.
The outputs and the inputs shifted. The passions returned. The healthy perspectives found their way back again and now here I am.
That other side, the deeper wiser version, knew that somehow I had to take everything that happened and turn all that darkness into light.
My path was so far from over even though I had convinced myself at times it was. It wasn’t the end at all. It was hardly the beginning.
This has all brought me to this moment thinking about what’s just around the bend.
I have a many stories to tell.
Stories that have been locked inside, held too close to my heart for too long, because I lost my own inner compass leading me back to the truth and the point of this all – to be a light.
Luckily, I found it once again.
Joseph Campbell, one of my favorite authors and mythologists once said, “Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else.”
For quite some time now, I’ve been asking myself that question, “What would bliss be like?”
I can see it in color. Every time I close my eyes and let me imagination go to work the tapestries unfold in front of me.
I can see the truth that I spent so long searching for. But it’s not enough to just know the path in front of you.
You must be willing to walk it.
And after a lifetime living in a specific way, its been very difficult for me to make the shift over to following paths that ask so much more of me.
The stumbles. The falls.
I’ve felt dejected at times from all of it.
But I keep going right back to what I know is right. Trying again and again no matter the cost.
Every time getting closer.
Until it all just…clicks.
The Better Man Project