The Death Of “Should”
Posted on November 24, 2022
Dangerous word…that word “should.”
There’s a lot attached to that word. A lot of suffering comes from the word. A lot of pain, a lot of grief, and a lot of expectation.
That word…can drive you mad or keep you stuck in the past.
Maybe you’ve heard yourself say this before…
“That shouldn’t have happened…this should have happened…it should have gone this way.”
But the truth is, it didn’t. It didn’t go that way.
When you stay in the land of should, you are stuck in the past or the future.
When your “should” lives in the past, you can’t come to terms with what happened because it “should” have happened another way. You can’t accept what happened. You can’t accept the fact that the reality is the reality. Instead, you are trying to live in an alternate world that doesn’t exist.
Like in meditation, you have to come back.
When your “should” lives in the future, you are limiting yourself to a very shallow way of seeing into a land that is completely unknown and foreign to you. “It should happen like this.” And if it doesn’t? Usually there is a feeling of being let down or disappointed in what actually did happen.
You have to come back.
Truth is, we are all going to go through incredibly painful times in our lives. There will be moments that challenge us, make us want to fall to our knees in tears and make us crack under pressure.
These dark times will always be there.
But what will make us suffer even more is not accepting the truth…
What happened…happened…and it couldn’t have happened…in any other way.
And if you let go of the future, and come back to this moment?
What will happen…will happen…and it will be the most perfect thing for me.
No living in the past…because we’ve accepted it.
No living in the future…because the only moment we have is right now.
Only deep acceptance of what is happening in the present moment. Bring back your wandering mind over and over again.
Action Steps For Today
Intention: Exiting the land of “should.”
Practice: In your journal, identify a situation you can’t come to terms with. What is the language surrounding that story? Are you living in the land of should? Have you come to accept what happened did in fact happen? After you identify this story/event, write down a sentence underneath it that declares your acceptance of the situation.
(Ex. “What happened happened and it couldn’t have happened any other way.”)