You might have to find another way up the mountain.

And that’s exactly where I’ve been at. Having spent so much time and effort climbing only to find that 2/3 the way up I’m going to have to find another route.

So instead of going back down and starting over immediately I took a long pause. I’d be lying if I told you everything was perfectly fine. Honestly, it’s been a bit demoralizing. I’ve wanted to quit. I felt like I had been set back so much farther with nothing to really show for it.

But that’s only a piece of it all.

It hasn’t been all bad. There’s been a lot of learning, reflecting, strategizing and planning out the next route to take. It’s helped me gain a lot of perspective on what happened and also where to go next.

I’ve also really started to see where the holes were in my original plan. Honestly, it’s a bit of a miracle it took me that far.

And yet, I still need to climb back down to start over.

But I haven’t quite yet.

I just hung out there for a while.

I think a lot of it had to do with not having the energy to make the descent. The route I originally started taking all those years ago took a lot out of me. I can’t even begin to describe that. There were effects and ripple effects that had some punishing consequences and I didn’t really understand just how precarious some of the climb really was.

But I do now. I’ve learned.

And I guess that’s what’s really worth it.

There are many ways you can climb a mountain. But equally so, there are many ways you can’t. What truly matters is having the courage to at least find out for yourself.

And for that, I’m proud.

Even though this path led to a dead end and I’m beaten up from taking it, there’s a deep level of acceptance for what has to happen next.

Even if you go for it and it doesn't work out, you still win. You had the courage to chase after your dreams and that's nothing to be ashamed of. That type of bravery will take you places. 

Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project quote.

And there’s absolutely going to be a next.

I can’t stop doing this until I reach the place I know I’m meant to travel. There’s been countless days of frustration, confusion, anger, and everything else in between on this journey. But on the flip side of that, there’s been a relentless blind faith and belief that I can bring forward what I’ve seen as my greatest possibility.

I trust that.

And I know deep down that the first step must be taken in order to see it all the way through.

When I started all of this 10 years ago, I had absolutely no idea where it was going. I knew that documenting everything that I was learning and going through would yield something positive (which it really has). But there wasn’t a vision. There was only what was happening day to day.

But now the vision – through the greatest of struggles – has become crystal clear.

It’s never been about getting “somewhere.”

It’s always been about bringing forward something that was lost long ago.

That’s going to be a pretty difficult one to describe here until I actually do it. But for now, I can see it in my mind. I can feel it. It’s mine to create.

Years ago I asked the heavens to give me whatever I needed to grow and become who I was meant to be. That promise was delivered in ways that I never could have predicted. The doors were shown and the guidance was given.

The past dripped away.

New paths were offered.

And all I have to do is the thing that’s been my greatest challenge throughout all of this – trust.

I can.

I must.

Evan Sanders