Closure is a pretty interesting thing.
Sometimes we think we need closure from someone or a situation because that will be the thing that really helps us move on.
But it’s not always the case. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen someone seek out closure and it actually got worse.
The person who they went to didn’t show up in a way that would allow for any healing to happen. Sometimes the wound even gets opened back up and there’s a sense of regret for even going down that path in the first place.
They might not even know why they did something. Seriously. Or even if they told you, it might not even be the truth. It really takes a lot for someone to even admit wrongdoing to themselves let alone another person.
Not saying this always happens…but it happens more than you might think.
So that brings me to this. Closure, amongst many other things, is about coming to a deep acceptance of what happened and taking it upon yourself to truly – 100% – decide what happens next in your story.
It’s not about denial. It’s not about living in la-la land. It’s not about tolerating that behavior. It’s about an understanding that you’re here now – the good and the bad – and you are the only one that can take it upon yourself to make choices going forward.
Blame, judgement, anger, hatred etc are all human emotions and they are completely okay to experience as long as you’re not pointing them inward at yourself or outward at someone else.
Feel it. It’s part of being human. But what you decide to do with those emotions and how you act is on you. You can choose to continue cycles of pain or begin cycles of healing.
Not saying it’s going to be easy. This is NOT easy. But, it’s worth it. And if you want to exit lands of trauma – whether they were someone else’s fault or not – going through all of this is required.
A challenging path…but a worthwhile one.
Evan Sanders