Into Deeper Waters
Posted on February 3, 2020
Every once in a while you come across a moment that you know will change your life.
The other night, I had one of the most vivid dreams I’ve had in a very long time. I was standing in the house of one of my close friends, and saw this version of me – a different version – that was quite striking.
I saw flashes of what I looked like when I was young, a message that kept echoing “the clock turns back” and this version of me – the same age as I am right now – but more in alignment with what I looked like when I was very little.
I woke up perplexed.
It was like I had experienced something happening at the exact same time, in the exact same place I had been many times, but I was completely different.
This is not a coincidence.
The messages have been getting louder and louder as the months have gone on. Despite my struggles, I have arrived at a very unique opportunity, the same moment that I spoke about above, where I can change the course of my life in a drastic way.
It’s hard to explain what it feels like living a life that you know you’re not destined for. The way I’ve always imagined it is walking on two paths that are parallel but diverging significantly over long stretch of time.
You can see the other path.
You know what it would take to walk over to it – managing your way through the thicket and possibly suffering some scrapes and bruises – but you struggle to defeat the momentum of the path you had previously taken.
That’s where I’ve been in this chapter of my life. I have been struggling to move through the valley and the undercurrents of my previous ways.
All of these dreams, these messages, the things I’m being told in my meditation and the pull deep within my bones have led me to this point…right here…making the decision to travel to the other side no matter what it takes.
This all reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Charles Bukowski. He said…
“If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”
The perspective that I’ve gained from years and years of walking these winding paths cannot be replaced. It has offered me so much and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I’m prepared for what I’m about to do. But I still need some help. I still need my faith.
There is no possible way to walk paths that demand everything from you without faith and a whole lot of trust.
That, over the past 9 years, has been my greatest challenge.
Letting go of everything I have been in order to become who I am truly meant to be.
No matter the scars, the wounds, the arrows in my back, the betrayals, the abandonment, the shame, the grief and fear…I’m still here.
Refusing to quit.
I’m letting go. I’m opening the door to who and what I’m destined to be. I’ve seen it for years now. I know what it will take. With faith, I will not fail.
The Better Man Project