I don’t know why it just clicked, but it did.
For a long time I’ve been searching for ways that make me the most comfortable in expressing this journey of mine.
I looked at what other people were doing – naturally compared myself to them in many ways – and because I hadn’t really felt that “click” moment I started to be a bit hard on myself.
Why can’t you just do that?
Why don’t you figure this out…look how they did it?
These conversations kept popping up in my head and made it pretty difficult for me to really understand which way to turn with my work.
But being in Barcelona helped me discover something. I’m not a city person. In fact, I’m far far far from a city person. It reminded me of the reality I had learned when I was in LA, but now it’s really cemented in truth.
I belong in the trees. I belong in the mountains.
But here’s where it clicked.
I belong on the roads that are not well traveled.
And this is where it really started to make sense for me.
For about 6 years now, I’ve been expressing this journey into the depths of my soul. This journey is naturally something that is completely new. In one way, it’s exciting. In another, it’s dangerous and exhilarating. Everything is new. Every single day is fresh. There’s really no such thing as routine and I continue to create and create because I have fresh subject matter every single day.
What is it about journeying into the depths of the mountains that excites me so much?
Going off trail.
That’s where I really come alive. That’s where my most excitement comes alive. The times that I have felt amazing were the times that I was doing something that not many people had done. Finding my spiritual spot up in Calaveras Big Trees deep in the Sierra’s, hiking off trail in Tahoe and finding the tree that had been struck by lighting and so many more experiences.
It’s the adventure that excites my soul.
But what is it about being in an inner city with thousands of people that starts to dilute that excitement? It’s that there’s tons of people there already. There’s no secret spot. Are there of course places you can find that are amazing (monuments etc?) Of course. I’ve been lucky to see many of them.
But there’s nothing for just me.
And because there’s nothing for just me, it makes it hard for me to disconnect from the chaos of a city and fall into that sense of peace and quiet.
And I need that.
So as I continue into Portugal, I’m actually going to a place far off the main map of a tourist and exploring a coastline that has some of the most beautiful surfing beaches in the world. Adventure. Exploration. Solitude.
And when I do meet the few that are around the connection is going to be deeper.
But how does this translate into what I’m doing with the rest of my work?
I don’t want to do what the other person has done. I could yes but that’s not what I really get a lot of excitement out of. I want to do what no one else is doing…and do it well.
So as much as I am learning from others, I want to be creating my own masterpieces.
And, I think with this realization, I’m on my way.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
A very encouraging post, Evan. I have struggled to find myself over many years with this journey being complicated by undiagnosed hydrocephalus or fluid on the brain, which was having quite an impact without knowing why.
We went on a lovely ferry cruise along Sydney’s Hawkesbury River last weekend and as much as I loved watching the water and the trees, I was captivated by the clouds. So many people spend their lives glued to their electronic devices and I know I’m guilty of locking myself away writing and blogging and not getting out too. Thank you for another reminder to get out there.
xx Rowena
I am happy you did. Goodluck with your journey to finding yourself Evan! 🙂