This is the first time I’ve been able to step away from it all.
It’s just me.
The time I have spent here in Spain has been more about me understanding what all of this is about than going on wild crazy adventures and doing things night after night. I haven’t felt that urge yet. I don’t know if I ever will. This isn’t just one big vacation to me – I am still working hard and still run into the same challenges to create what I want to create on the daily.
It’s just me living my life in a completely different place, and in a way, that in of itself has given me a lot more light and love.
But sometimes I need to wander off into the quiet and really understand what’s going on. When I really think about it, I haven’t had this much time on my own ever. This is the first time this has ever happened and I’m sure you could understand that there are plenty of things coming up on the daily that are new and fresh experiences that both make my smile and challenge me deeply.
I’ve made decisions about how to do things and demons that I’m going to tackle. This part of the path isn’t going to be easy but it’s going to be worth it in the end. As much as I have seen around the bend in many ways I also understand that there are many things I have to leave behind that are still effecting me now.
I brought some of those things with me to Europe – naturally you can’t escape them just by moving – and it wasn’t the right time back at home to really settle them…but now it is.
Each of us have pieces of ourselves that if we let our grip on them go, we actually gain more in the end. I think there’s this fear that things “won’t be the way they were” because we hold onto that sense of familiarity – even if it’s slightly negative – and that gives us some comfort.
Reminds me of the line that goes the devil you know.
People would rather choose the devil they knew rather than the one they didn’t.
For me, I understand that there are things that I have held onto that I really need to let drift away. They are far past their due date and it’s time for them to go. It’s going to take some conviction on my part but I know I can do it.
Don’t worry about walking alone for a while.
You need to escape the constant business of life in order to find what you need to find within yourself. I think it’s one of the greatest reasons why people are so stressed out – they don’t have any time to do some soul searching. Even vacations become and opportunity to race around and there are never really moments to just sit and think.
I’ve been doing a lot of that.
It’s been giving me answers that are interesting in many ways.
And I’m listening. I’m listening hard.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project