Every once in a while, lightning strikes my life in one way or another.
That jolt of purpose, energy, love…whatever it may be, comes along and gives me the boost I needed to get the clay moving.
For a while, I have been patiently waiting for what is coming to arrive. Today, it clicked. it clicked as I started my new journey towards my next photo shoot, as a path laid before me in a few different ways and as I took the ceremonial dive into a brand new aspect of this story.
A chapter that I’m going to give you as much access to as possible. This, is something I really haven’t done throughout the years.
When I ended the last chapter, almost a year ago in stepping across a finish line of something that I had been working at for my entire life, there was a big space that formed as that idea started to slide away and I entered into a completely new space. What was once the primary driver for my life fell into the background as the dream turned into a reality. From this however emerged a feeling that was a bit melancholy at times.
Dreams are beautiful things. But once they are realized – a gift in itself – they are gone. What’s left – the achievements, the foundations you had to build, the person you had to become…which are all beautiful things in their own right – are pieces of you as if they had existed the whole time.
In a few ways, that was very challenging for me.
Like I had said, space opened up. A lot of space. A WHOLE LOT of space.
And for a long long time, I haven’t really known what to create with that space. It’s been a blank canvas for almost a year, with bits and pieces filling in as time went on…but not those broad strokes that would define the painting.
But I’m painting now and have found the path as I’ve been sitting in the silence. Isolation in many ways is an absolute gift – one that I’ve never really had before. In that isolation, and in digging into this new found space, I’ve started to understand just what I want to be up to in this next chapter.
I think we all have to take risks at times.
We have to be willing to brave our own fears, stepping into them instead of giving up or running from them. From time to time we all get discouraged. We see the path in front of us and only witness the big bank of fog that seems to be covering everything up. The questions start popping up. We wonder. We doubt. We sit in fear for a while. But that’s not any reason to give up. That’s just part of what it means to be human.
I imagine, that at the end of life, you think more about the chances that you didn’t take than the ones you did. I could also see that you wouldn’t remember all of the failed attempts to get something done or go somewhere, if you knew that you had given it your best and you had followed through as much as you possibly could.
All I know, is that in all of the times that I have failed and failed again…those attempts became insignificant to me as I crossed into a dream that I had worked for since I was 11 years old. Thousands of failed attempts vanished into thin air as I became the person I always knew I could become.
Isn’t that something?
Brutal discouragement, depression, anxiety and fear all just went poof.
Incredible how that works.
A long time ago, before I started the final descent into that big dream, I wrote an email called “What It Means To Me” to my trainer where I spilled my guts out talking about why I wanted to do this and everything I had been through.
Those stories define me a little bit less than they used to – moments of the black – and now I have a far different story to tell.
After the end of October, I ran into some hard times. Very very difficult times actually – If I’m going to be honest here. Situations dictated that I focused 100% of my attention on making sure a situation turned out okay and I had to take a lot of focus off of what I was doing with myself.
I suffered in this. And after that situation ended, I was left with the aftermath of another that I couldn’t handle at the time and that all started bubbling up to the surface as space was left for it to.
For months I was hurting.
And even after having accomplished my dream, I felt like it had been stained with blood. It wasn’t a clean victory, but a victory nonetheless. There was this big shadow over everything and that shadow lasted for a long time after. It’s only now, throughout these past few weeks, where I actually feel like myself again and everything happened almost a year ago.
Patience.
Patience allowed me to recover. Patience allowed me to not go at something full force without having taken care of myself.
If I rushed, I wouldn’t have put myself in the position where I am today – traveling the world creating a new dream every single day.
There are a few things I have to turn on to make this happen. At times I’ve been pretty uncertain about if they were the right things to do, but now in having giving them some time to sink in and develop I know I’m heading in the right direction.
What does this next chapter mean to me?
It’s about touching as many lives as possible. I want to see just how far the ripples can go. How much can I give? How much can this mission of mine spread? How can I continue to light fires in peoples hearts so they can gain the courage to go after what they have always dreamed of as well?
I have my battle plans.
It’s time to march.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project