the wild

Writing is one of the most cathartic things you can possibly engage in, and yet at times it feels like you are ripping your heart out.

I haven’t wanted to write that much. I’ve been exhausted. Not just tired in the way that your body is worn down…but really tired. Everything is tired. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically. It has all been catching up to me to the point where I just feel completely and utterly cooked.

I haven’t wanted to write because of another force at play as well.

One that keeps telling me I should back away for a while and sit in silence. I’ve learned a lot by not engaging in the noise of words that can distractingly take you away from what you are supposed to be focusing on.

But at the same time, I do realize that there’s another calling to move forward and bring in new thought to this.

I think, after a while unprecedented expression you just get tired. As fun and amazing as it is, like with anything, you have to walk away for a while to really remember why you enjoy something so much.

I’ve always found that interesting – that the heart grows fonder in the absence of something.

I never found it perplexing however.

When you really think about it, when something is always there you start to naturally take advantage of it a bit. You forget what it was like when it wasn’t there. So as things move in and out of our lives, we are often reminded of why things hold so much value to us…or do not.

I’ve found myself thinking a lot about this great adventure I’m going to be embarking on in July and what this really means for me. To be traveling the world on my own and having absolutely no clue what I’m heading into is one of the most exciting – and yet I have to admit = anxiety inducing experiences I have been going through.

Truly, I am ripping myself out of my comfort zone and moving into something that challenges me beyond anything I could possibly understand right now.

But that’s the point.

I reached a point in my life where I felt like I wasn’t growing anymore and I needed to do something different.

Truly, this has really been a feeling that has existed for about half a year now and I knew that it was time to move on.

It was time to put myself in a position where I could rise to the occasion and do something different with my life. I wanted to do something that would bring life back into my blood and set me free.

So as I return back to writing, I understand that this is the beginning of something new.

While everything may look the same, it really has all changed.

I am a different man now…

And I love that.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project