You can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame.

It has always been hard for me to see certain aspects of my life and what’s actually going on. The truth is, I have a certain amount of blindness. Blindness in being able to see certain things that are taking place.

As time has gone on, I have become more and more patient which has allowed me to see things as they are instead of the way that I want them to be. But the patience is still taking root inside and I do fall back into old tendencies from time to time.

I’ve become a lot gentler with myself lately. I still demand a lot from myself, but the conversation that ensues after I fall short is a lot less harsh. Up until this year, I never really had much context in working with the negative voice inside…

It would just bash into me time after time whenever I failed and it would cause something I like to call “The Human Avalanche.”

One stress fracture…

Bam all the snow is coming down.

But as time has gone on, I’ve really started to understand that inner voice that spews the worst possible hate imaginable. I mean it’s vicious. In terms of critics in the outside world…they could never hold a candle to the one inside of me.

The point is this.

I have to get out of my frame.

I’ve spent so much time in the same place that I’ve never truly learned how to be “out there.”

When I was little, I used to run around my yard imagining I was saving the world with my sidekick dog. But I had never seen the world. I would just imagine these far away lands that I had absolutely no idea if they existed or not.

I know that this is something that I have to seek out and do for myself.

I know because apparently I’ve been dreaming about it ever since I was a kid.

Life has many strange ways of teaching you exactly what you need to learn.

Most of my lessons have come through hardship. That’s just the truth right there. I’m not trying to get sympathy points or have you feel bad for me. I’m just really trying to tell it like it is. I’ve had a lot of intense situations happen to me throughout my life and it has helped me understand exactly what really matters to me.

You can learn just as much by having something go “not your way” than “your way.”

Probably even more.

But the thing is, you have to keep getting back up no matter what. You can’t stay on the ground. I mean you can, but you should resolve to always get back up. Because getting back up…after you’ve fallen time and time again becomes easier and easier and easier…

To the point in which it really just becomes second nature.

Oh I failed…back up and going.

Most are absolutely so terrified of failing that they try to avoid taking any risk at all…and when they do fail they stay an absolute mess for a long long time.

But when you get used to the failure and accept it as the way things go…

You just bounce right back.

Sometimes you get knocked down harder than others…but eventually you get back up and keep chugging forward.

When you really look at it, even if you get knocked down for 3-6 months…what is that even in 70 – 80 years of living?


You won’t even remember it.

So keep this in your mind when you are struggling…the fact that you probably won’t even remember what happened. That, to me, is actually encouraging. It’s encouraging to know that over time, some of my greatest struggles will just be words on the page…the only thing  there to actually remind me of what I went through.

Risk is the thing that keeps us alive.

It keeps the blood moving through us and on the edge.

I don’t know if I’ve ever taken a risk as big as the one I’m about to take. But that’s the point. Because what am I doing if I’m not always trying to go a little farther than I’ve ever gone before?

This project ends the day that I decide to stay put where I am.

There’s always something to create. There’s always a little bit more that I could express. This is not exhausting to me…but rather exciting. I love the idea that things are going to constantly be changing and shifting.

That keeps me fresh. That keeps me evolving. That keeps me moving and shifting just like the ocean.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project