There’s constant shifting…

A fluidity to all of this. Ever changing. Ever morphing. The sand twists and turns as the waves crash upon it.

And here I sit, on my kitchen floor, looking at all that is going on right now with my eyes closed. I can see things that I never used to be able to see and feel things that would have eluded me only a year ago.

The man I am now is far from the man I once was. A year ago, I never knew such things really existed. I may have hinted at them throughout the years as a possibility but now there’s something far far different from that…


Certainty of watching the waves of energy move about and have their impact on the landscape. There are so many things underneath the surface that you cannot see if you don’t believe in them.

I never understood the waves in me.

I never understood that energy. I never understood that it was my mother’s artist blood that coursed through my veins and put my world in into vibrant color.

But that blood shifts and changes. It twists and turns. It’s everything that changes…like the ocean crashing onto the beach. It’s life itself.

It’s blissfully feminine.

You can’t put the ocean in a box. She will shift and change, ebb and flow at will. But you have to leave her wild and free. You have to let her kiss the sand and retreat back into the depths. And there you sit on the shore witnessing it just as it should be, always knowing that the waves will crash once again flowing back to your bare toes digging into the sand. Wild. Free. 🌊 

But it was only when I really discovered my grounding, turning into granite while sitting in meditation and feeling completely empty that I began to understood it’s polar opposite.

Something that existed in me all along but was never evoked in the proper way. Hidden…and suddenly uncovered all at once.

The feeling of liquid granite ran through my veins and the weight of the world entered into my gut.

Solidified.. An unstoppable force meeting a immovable object.

And yet, both existed as true. Two contrary forces working upon one another to complete the picture.

The most obscure picture you could imagine, but instead of creating chaos…


This was delightfully confusing at the time.

But I see now. I see very clearly. I see in many ways past what my eyes can see. I understand the fluidity of life – the constant coming and going of things…the way it will always be and the changes that are bound to happen. And on the other hand, I see an energy that has been here far before me, and will be here forever after me – the thing that will never change.

To have access to both, has been life changing. To be able to choose which one for what time…to sit down and write with an ability to tap into all of that color…

Things just changed.

Or did they just finally come out from hiding?

I’m starting to believe in the latter.

So as the surprises continue to arrive in hoards…

I’m sitting here with a new understanding. An understand of the crashing waves and the retreat back out to sea. An understanding of the inevitable changes that are bound to happen and the irrefutable reality that they represent.

And at the same time…

How there’s something that will never change…

I am who I am.

And while pieces of me arrive to the forefront and others retreat back at times…there are things that will never change.

The passions that light fires in my eyes. The raging drive to continue down this path. The unconditional love that lives in my heart.

These things will never die.

They will never die, because I will continue to stoke those fires. I understand they are fundamental to who I am…and without them…

I am not much.

No matter what happens…I have to keep those things alive. Raging. Burning. Passionate. Fearlessly continuing on.

The captain…

Always knowing which way to go…

Despite being completely and perfectly lost in the unknown

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project