The captain paced

He paced in his cabin

He paced on the deck at night

He looked up at the stars to see them glimmering down upon him

But he was restless

For reasons only he barely understood

A restless heart

A restless soul

He brought himself to this place

Encouraged others to come along with him

And found himself coming across deeper waters

Waters he’s never seen before

While he traveled many times he’s never seen waters like these

Pure blue, deep, and powerful

As they shifted underneath the boat he could feel the changes

The currents

The strange adjustments in his heading

And there he was finding himself unsettled

Unsure of what is right ahead of him

All this was true

And at the same time, there was another truth

It was always strange to him how both of these things could exist at the same time

The unsettled parts of his soul and yet…

He was sure of the way to go

He trusted himself

But knew he had to dive further into that

He trusted himself

He trusted who he was

What was inside of him

He trusted the path he had chosen for himself

And what that path would yield

He knew there would be these moments

These moments of doubt and deep waters

Moments where he would have to think things over

Moments where he would have to take steps back

Doubt had entered into his life time and time again

Because he was so open

He had destroyed any walls that would protect him from things

He was vulnerable to it all

A mirror to it all

It gave him access to everything he had always wanted

But made him face all that wasn’t pretty

These deep waters challenged him

These deep waters worked over him

They kept him up at night and unsettled him

But in all of that they brought him back

Time and time again

Made him sink his heels further into the deck

Made him dive deeper into himself

To ground himself in what he knew

What he was made of

Who he was

Despite these deep unexplored waters

He knew exactly who he needed to be

He was never going to be a cold and timid soul

Who stood looking upon those who risked

No he knew where he belonged

Risking it all

Traveling further and further into the waters

Challenging everything in himself

Living into the pressure

Experiencing it all

And yet living fearlessly through it

These deep waters

Yes they are challenging me right now

Far to long now have I wondered

About their depths

But I know I must forge ahead

I will rise to this challenge

Pressure creates diamonds

I know I’m alive

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project