It’s doesn’t really strike me as strange that ever since I’ve been going back and recording the posts from the beginning of The Better Man Project that I’ve learned a thing or two.

In fact, one of the greatest challenges I’ve had over the past 6 months came together this evening – I’ll get to that in a second – and I had this overwhelming rush of my vision for the future coming true. I’m in a place right now of things falling together. That’s a very new place. The vision I’m talking about has been a massive stretch for me in terms of what I want to accomplish within this next year…but there was something about today that brought that little extra bit of faith that I needed to fully believe in it. So sitting here tonight, I have a big smile on my face and I’m going to tell you why.

About 3 months ago, I asked for help from a fellow coach and incredible woman with something that was really taking a toll on me. I asked for some guidance in dealing with silence. What seemed to be grinding away at me was that my decision to go out on my own, take a risk, not work the traditional 9-5 and chase my dream came with an unknown consequence – dead silence throughout most of the day. If I wasn’t playing music it would be as quiet as quiet could really get in my place.

So there I was, working away, with this eerie silence in the background and was struggling with it.

My friend didn’t really help me with the issue of silence, but inquired more into how much of the darkness I was really discovering? Hmm. After my mentor coach had presented me with a new story of being The War Painter – a man that goes into battle zones and paints beautiful pictures of not so beautiful events…allowing the event to pass through his filter and create something amazing out of it – I started to wonder how much I really was creating with that thick black darkness?

This silence though, and the presence of silence, still was getting to me. I was uncomfortable. I was on a bit of an edge and sometimes would just start to play music instead of really letting that silence sink in. But today, sitting down in the early morning to write in my notebook, this idea struck me and everything seemed to slide into place after that.

They say that the spaces in between the notes is just as important as the playing of the note itself. That’s how great music is made.

In a world where we are always communicating, always doing something, always trying to touch base, reach out, the list goes on…there’s not much room for silence. There’s no pausing in between the notes to create those spaces for a beautiful life. We live in the age of tweets, snaps, Instagram photos, plusses and likes…it’s overwhelming. Part of my heart, and maybe this is just the old soul in me, is really uncomfortable with it all. This is coming from a guy who is heavily active on these platforms…but my reasons for being there are to leave people a little bit better off than I found them and to inspire their hearts and minds. If I have to sacrifice a little bit of my comfort for that then so be it – it’s my passion and purpose…and not all that comes with that is comfortable.

Those spaces in between the notes…that silence…that makes everything magical when it comes together. In the past, I’ve had to fill that void with so many different things, but as I grow older and spend more time discovering what is going on with myself, I realize that this quiet is the time that I really need in order to process, to let things sink into me, to go on night walks and listen…listen to everything that is right here…even if that is the presence of dead quiet.

I believe that we often use our words to fill the void as well. However, while words are incredibly powerful, there really is nothing more powerful than sitting with someone and having them feel you and you feel them without touching or even saying anything. There’s something incredible about being able to have a presence that can touch the heart of someone else and be able to sit in that silence.

For me, as time has rolled on, I am starting to appreciate these quiet times as I know that within the next year things are going to get a whole lot less quiet. I have that gut feeling deep inside of me that what I’m working towards is going to make an impact…and everything that has been burning in a controlled manner is going to come together and burn the forest down. I can’t really explain to you how I know this in my heart…I just know.

I calmly know this as if I was being prepared for it right now. There’s no nervous anticipation, there’s no overwhelming excitement…it’s a steady powerful vibration that almost whispers to me “you’re ready.”

Truth is, I am ready.

I don’t know exactly what is coming my way, but I do know that I’m going to be fine. I’m well taken care of. I’ve been building an incredible support system around me for the past 5 years. I’ve been preparing myself for this moment for years on end. The moment itself will be a surprise, but the man who shows up in that moment…I know him very well. I know who he is. I know what he is made of. I know that this young man can fearlessly love the world even though the world may try to destroy him. I’m willing to take a stand for it…for that fearless love…because what could be a more worthwhile cause than to dedicate every cell in your body to love?


Here I am.

This is what I heard in all the silence

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project