Strange days these are.

Quiet days…very very quiet.

In fact, the only sound that fills the room for almost the entire day is the sound of my fingers pattering away on the keys. It reminds me of a dream I had back when I was about a year or two into writing every day…”What if I made this my living…like what I could do with my life every single day?” Not the 9 hours of building and writing part, but just the writing itself. What if I could do that with my life?

And when the pattering of the keys ends…silence. dead silence. Stillness.

Sometimes I take a few minutes to breathe into it. This silence is not the type of silence that your mind fears because it will begin to hear itself speak. This is the silence before something begins to happen. This is the silence that you hear on the mound right after you breathe and go into your motion. The silence in big moments…when you hear nothing because your mind is so focused on the mitt. I haven’t felt this in a long time, but it’s back again, and I know…I’m in a big moment.

Building. Building. Building.

Every day, knowing that the hours I put in now are going to be the foundation for something grand in the future…I continue to build. I am running purely on gallons and gallons of faith right now. There’s nothing else. You see, I’m up to something…scheming…plotting…planning, and only 2 know what I’m actually doing. I don’t know how it happened, but I had a moment where I was able to look around the corner into the future and saw something that didn’t exist yet, but only I could make.

And in that moment, I lost things that were dear to me, which made room for me to do what was necessary. I trust that those sacrifices and the losing of those things were all in for good reason and that they will not be empty pieces on my path. In my heart, I know that this is true…there’s a reason for everything and that I have to trust that I am being protected, guided, and brought to places I need to be taken.

I’ve rubbed shoulders with this feeling day by day…that everything is about to change drastically and will never be the same. In fact, ever since a year ago when I had my series of dreams…I stopped dreaming. When I do dream, I have vivid pictures painted in my mind and in time…they always happen. Recently, there has been one significant one and I realize that I may never actually live here again. This dream was tied up into what I’m doing right now and I truly did go on the grandest adventure of my life…one worth dying for. It’s a trip coming out of those dreams and knowing something. It’s hard to describe, but maybe I’ll just have to show you when this all happens.

I can’t help but see a path behind me that has forged everything up until this moment. I felt like I was blindly going into a lot of things but realize that my faith by sight was only blind…and my faith by heart knew exactly what it was doing. This is precisely where I stand in this moment and in fact know that there will be an outcome in this land of uncertainty and leaving it up to whatever may be to set it just how it’s supposed to look like.

More leaps of faith.

More building of my wings on the way down.

About to fly…

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project