You’re Full Of It…
Posted on May 2, 2015
I don’t think it’s any mistake that 4 people today have talked to me about their desire to be more present. I thought, since apparently that energy is flowing around, I would write about it. Presence has been a major practice for me lately…and finding that presence? Oh man, a major struggle at times. Most people want help with finding presence when sh*t hits the fan. That makes sense – those feelings of anxiety, fear, doubt and worry because you feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you is an all to familiar feeling. In all of this chaos, how do you stay here? How can you be in the right now. Even more…how can you be the person you have always wanted to be…now.
There are extraordinary amounts of energy and powers you can’t possibly (me neither) comprehend when you start tapping into them – the feeling of solidity (being the mountain) or the lightheartedness of a happy heart when things don’t go your way. How can you tap into these things? How can you start to experience what the possibilities of life are when you detach yourself from your attachments?
We all have access to something that I think is not really dug into that much. Maybe it has always been this way, or maybe there are only few that understand how valuable this next word is…but kindness has really started to become underrated. There is tremendous value in smiling at others, taking the time out of your day to meet people, to encourage and to uplift those around you and to genuinely and specifically praise those for their achievements and improvements. These actions, are not to be overlooked. These actions, have started to morph my life in ways I couldn’t have predicted. People flood into your life – smiles beam – hearts lift – and you are able to bring about one of the most valuable traits (I am completely convinced) that exists – the ability to arouse enthusiasm and the sense of will in others.
Your failures are never defined from the big actions you missed – assuming you have those big actions under control. Usually, your failure to accomplish something comes from the little things. Those little momentum makers. They come from forgetting to say you are sorry – from not being loving to those around you – from not taking the chances you were meant to take. We can all take big chances – there seems to be a massive amount of focus on the quantum leap or the big risk. But what we forget to focus on is all the little things. There’s a saying that says “don’t sweat the small stuff.” I blatantly disagree. Because it’s the small actions that we take every single day that allow us to climb mountains. The quantum leap is a romantic obsession that we have with changing our whole entire lives in one go. It’s a lie. Sure some people do it once in a great while, but for the mass majority – stay away from this nonsense.
Why do you think so many peoples resolutions are completely failed by February? The quantum leap. However, be determined to begin and allow yourself to change little by little every single day and your life will look drastically different that what it once was. Sure it takes longer. But you are on a trek for life, not just for a year.
If you want to be someone…be that person now. If you want to bring love into your life, you are going to have to give it. If you want happiness, you are going to have to flood the room with it. If you want to be more charismatic or open yourself up to others, you have to put yourself out there and do those things. Life, from what I have read over and over and experienced myself, is a process of GIVING as much of yourself away to others…and then what you need comes back to you in the right form.
There’s a specific reason why actions are incredibly profound. We can post whatever we want about ourselves…we can find a quote that says something that supports our agenda…we can read an article that ticks off every single point about who we believe we are…but when the rubber meets the road – who are you really? Are you doing those things? Are you that person when no one else is looking? Are you afraid that someone is going to find you out. If you want love, are you loving others – everyone – and giving yourself? Are you following through with your commitments when no one else is holding you accountable but yourself? What’s behind the mask?”
The hardest thing I had to do was look myself in the mirror – 4 years ago – dead in the eyes and say, ” Evan, you are full of shit. It’s time to get your act together.” It’s been said by psychologists that 99/100 people will do anything to defend, deflect, or deny any amount of responsibility for something going wrong. People are naturally self preserving creatures and to even expect someone to claim responsibility for something without softening the blow is one of the rarest things there is around. If you can do this to yourself…to completely destroy your ego and have honest eyes…calling yourself out for being fake, immature, unreasonable, selfish, and every other thing in the book…that’s an amazing moment. You can build from there. But you have to get there to be able to go anywhere.
You have to really be all of those things. This massive infatuation with persona and who we present ourselves to be to the outside world, and the hiding that goes on when we close our doors is dangerous. The constant rowing towards a place of “where it all turns out” is the greatest lie we can ever tell ourselves. Yes, it’s important to be excited about the future and what you can give to the world. Start looking at things in a way of what you can take, who you can conquer, what you can strip from the world and you have a size 18 boot of karma waiting for you…and trust me – it never misses its mark.
I want to end on a different note today. See the positive in everything. It’s really difficult I know. But if you take the time to really dig into something…to a situation…you will always be able to pull something from it. Your ability to stay positive even when negative things happen isn’t a sign of living in some fantasy land – that’s called leadership. Don’t focus on the problem, focus on the solution. If you spend too much time looking at what is all screwed up how can you possible get yourself into a place of “Ok, this is what I am going to do to fix the situation – at least giving it my best shot.” If you focus on the negative, watch what it does to your body language and to your life. That body language…as much as we can fake everything with our words and our faces…sings volumes.
So if you are in a rut…it’s time to say “I am full of shit…let’s build something new.”
The Better Man Project
I enjoyed your post Evan. There are those moments when we can see ourselves, beauty and flaws, and in a place of acceptance tell ourselves we are full of it. How liberating to tell the truth! What an opportunity to recalibrate and get back to our essential nature.
Presence is a practice that is best practiced when not in crisis mode. I use a simple question to remind me – “What’s happening now?” I move to the observer of myself and check in with my body, emotions and thoughts then with the environment. That is my practice in presence so when something unexpected or difficult occurs, my practice is integrated and I may sway but I won’t break. Try it for yourself and see how it works for you.
All the best-
I wonder if you know Eckhart Tolle, one of his book named The Power of Now is great. You will get to understand more about egoic mind.
If we persevere in changing ourselves so as to be and do Good, we will change the world—one step at a time, just by our small daily actions.