I Do Not Fear, Though I…
Posted on February 3, 2015
I’d like to introduce myself – I’m the rookie – I’m the new guy.
I just started thinking of this last night – while I have been in the gym doing what I love for a few years now, I’ve only really taken it as seriously as it gets for 3 months. 3 months. So now I look at myself and go…”Kid, this is your rookie season.” I want to perform well. I want to be incredible at what I do. But man…do I still have a lot to learn about playing in the big leagues. Now, after having broken through barrier after barrier to get to this point, I feel like I am truly ready to stretch and go for it.
I remember an old coach telling me that the best players in the game are those who are constantly adapting and adjusting to the changes the opponent is making towards them. You consistently are tweaking little things here and there to make yourself better – but you can never rest on the achievements of yesterday because there is someone or something always making adjustments to you.
Life works in incredible ways. Sometimes you are going to be up. Sometimes you are going to be down. But that’s how it works. Enjoy the ups when you have them. Enjoy the feelings of pure happiness and live in that moment. It’s not that you should expect everything to fall apart, but I have to say entropy is a hard thing to ignore as well as the balance of all things. Life is about as balanced as it gets and it always sorts you out in one way or another.
I don’t view it as things falling apart. I view it as this life trying to keep me humble. Trying to keep my mind focused on today. When you start riding the waves of yesterday or trying to catch those of tomorrow, you end up in a world of impossibilities. As fun as it is to dream about the future, you actually can’t go there. As tragic as it can be to be living in the past, you can’t go back and change anything as well. These moments we have are right here, right now. That’s it.
The one minute. The soldier’s minute. In a battle, that’s all you get. One minute of everything at once. And anything before is nothing; everything after — nothing. Nothing in comparison to that one minute. – Peaky Blinders
I remember hearing that quote while watching one of my favorite shows and writing it down because I thought it was such a powerful moment. All you have really are these seconds and minutes in front of you. In totality, nothing else matters before and after because this moment determines if you live or die. Talk about grinding human existence down to its core. We have the power to go places in our minds that we cannot possibly travel to anymore. However, in reality, the only place we should be is right here in the now.
In thinking about what I wrote last night, I wanted to piggyback off of a thought I was having about how I live my life and what happens when I make mistakes. Yes, I make mistakes. I make a lot of mistakes. In fact, ever since I started this journey I have made more mistakes than I ever made before. But there’s something much different about me now then all those years ago…and it’s purely rooted in fear.
i do not fear loss, despite the depth of its mark. i do not fear mistakes, though i constantly make them. i do not fear pain, in the face of my sufferings. i do not fear the darkness, during my trek through it. i do not fear the light, however blinded by it. i do not fear myself, though i seek to create it.
I do not fear all of these things despite feeling them fully. Deep down in my bones they strike me, but I always remember, they are just emotions and feelings. They will eventually pass as all things do.
Don’t be too hard on yourself…you may just be in your rookie season
– Evan Sanders