There are these dead silent moments.

Moments where i just sit there, looking at nothing, usually down at my hands and I just think. Everything – all the sounds that I would hear if I pulled myself out of this moment deaden. It’s just me and my thoughts. Then, that voice. The voice that I spent so many years running from, ignoring, or failing to tap into. The voice is there. It speaks.

These moments…these dead silent moments last for a minute, a few seconds, or a chunk of unknown time as I get lost in them as fast as they come upon me. They are my favorite moments. They are when I think about things that really matter. Love. My heart. Situations in my life. Arguments. Principles. Character. These moments teach me the truth. I have often of times gone into this place and come out with a different understanding of situations. To its equal, I have also come out with affirmations of actions. But no matter the result. These moments are special.

The truth, as we see it, is a very complicated thing. Sometimes our ego gets in the way of the truth, sometimes not. Sometimes we are blinded my anger, rage, sadness…and our truth is skewed that way. In all honesty, truth is such an ever fluctuating thing anyways. How do we actually know? We are walking around with glasses on we’ve been wearing our entire lives and see the world through those lenses. Our truth can be very different from another’s truth. Isn’t that confusing?

I think many see the truth as “right vs. wrong” and that can lead to dilemmas as well. Of course in life there are things that are horrible and things that are great, but it’s where those fine lines are that makes decisions tough. For me, the truth has become a lot less important than how I make myself and others feel.

It’s not that the truth isn’t important, but for me, I think that focusing on bringing out the best in others and using your power as a human being to reach out to others in the most positive way possible is incredibly important. The next level of that is understanding that how we act, what we say, and who we are is just as important in relation to how we make others feel.

A famous example I always talk about was taught to me from a teacher who put it pretty plainly…he said, “If you think you are the nicest person in the world, and your community around you thinks your an a**hole, you obviously have a major disconnect there between reality and perception.”

When we ourselves are solid…and we can love ourselves, then we can truly take care of others. It’s when you don’t look at how things will effect others when you say / do them where things start to get messy. Another teacher used to always say, “If you think miscommunication is the fault of the person you were communicating to…you are wrong and selfish. It’s your job as the person who is communicating to make sure the other person understands fully what you mean, how you mean it, and what the message is behind it.”

I try to always keep that in the back of my mind. I think that’s one of the ways I have developed over these past few years. When I deliver a message and it gets taken out of context, blown out of proportion, misunderstood or simply confused…I apologize for screwing up before anything else. Because honestly, I care about how the other person feels…and how I make them feel. Why? Because none of this project has been just about me for a couple of years now… this project has developed in it’s mission to empower others to live impassioned and bold lives. It’s about something more than just being a better person. It’s about an idea.

How can I spread that idea in a positive light if my messages are being misunderstood in a negative way?

I can’t.

So you have to think about it. You have to think about it because it matters – to you and to others.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project