Was I Nervous When I Started?
Posted on December 3, 2014
You can bet your money on it. I was as nervous as I could be when I started this project.
And yet, despite how nervous I was about putting myself out there after having written hundreds and hundreds of pages in personal journals, I always knew that it was going to work out. There was that little feeling inside of me once I got started that told me I was going to be writing for more than a basic 30 days.
Why am I writing about this?
I’m writing about this because one of the greatest lessons I have learned was about never ever giving up. I’ve learned that lesson through a massive amount of failures and a few great successes. But mostly, that lesson has been learned through the day in and day out grinding away at life. It’s about having that task list on your desk of things you know you need to do in order to be successful – and by the end of the day having everything crossed off. I’ve gone back to those lists, because no matter how motivated you are, you run out of gas towards the end of the day and it’s really easy to put it off for tomorrow. The problem with that is that it becomes a habit naturally – or things stack up on you and you can’t manage everything at once.
When you really start to sit down and think about it, we are all really incredibly complicated individuals. We all have three beings that make us whole – the past, the present, and the future – and all of those beings within us are very fluid. It’s very easy to dive into the past and stay there and even more obsess over the future without putting effort into the present. I’ve done all three myself, and even throughout my days now I have to fight to get right back into the present.
My mind wanders like crazy and is very capable of getting stuck. For me, it’s in the past. That’s the place where I can gain concrete shoes and have the hardest time moving into the present. I feel like for most people the past is more associated with negatives than positives. Maybe this is just because we remember things that are bad more than the times that were good? Maybe. But for me, I am trying to turn that around as much as possible – so the massive accomplishments heavily outweigh those bad times – and my past becomes a living representation of how much I have changed over the years and how much I reached for the stars…and once in a while…grabbed them.
I’ll give you a personal example from my life right now. About 7 or 8 weeks ago I finished my 100 day challenge which focused primarily around getting my health in line and eating the way I knew I should. The secondary goal was to achieve the best body I could. I started at 218lbs and 18% body fat and eventually dropped down to 189 at my lowest and around 7% body fat. This was a massive accomplishment for me – because for the first time I had wanted a huge dream and went out and created it. Not only that but I followed through on something big. For one reason or another I never really felt like I had dreamed massively and then constructed that into my reality. But I did. And yet, I still wasn’t satisfied.
I wasn’t satisfied because I knew I had more in the tank and I was also a bit disappointed that I didn’t come in looking how I wanted to. Yes the goal was mentally focused, but as time went on and I started to see what my potential was, the physical side came in as well. Since I was 12 years old I wanted to be in peak condition and had never made a solid effort at it until I was 25. Can you believe that? 13 years it took me to muster up enough effort to finally go after what I had wanted for such a long time.
So those 14 weeks ended – I was given a new mind and body – and yet I wanted to see the thing all the way through. I knew I was capable of more so I went out and hired a pro trainer who has amazing results with his clients and for himself personally. It was only after a conversation I had with my sister about being an athlete for most of our lives that it really all clicked for me. She reminded me that we are incredibly good at putting in hard work, but we also at times need someone there to watch us, critique us, and take care of the things that can distract our minds from the work. Keeping this in mind, I hired him to take care of my workouts and nutrition as well as be an outside set of eyes…and these past 4 weeks of work have been the best I have had in years. My form has dramatically improved – my strength has gone up – I have gained 7lbs of muscle over the past couple months and am sitting at 10% body fat…with 8 weeks left to go and starting to cut my calories – and I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt this time that if I keep it together and continue working hard, I will see that dream come true…the one I’ve had since I was 12 years old.
I think as you go on you become capable of more and more.
Some people go one way, others go a different way. The truly lucky ones blaze their own path. I feel like I have done that to some extent – creating my own path. At the same time, I think that there’s still a lot that I have to learn and to do to unshackle myself from the grips of fear and truly make this life my own.
There’s this interesting phenomenon when you are heading in your own direction to go make something that doesn’t exist yet. As you are walking down that path, you constantly are looking over your shoulder to the side at the path everyone else is walking…and even though your paths are diverging you can still see them walking in that direction. I’m still at at place where I can see in the distance that other path and the people on it – and every day I have a thought in my head that goes “Are you sure about this? Look at what they are doing…you don’t think you’re missing out?” That runs through my head constantly – but yet at the same time the thing I am most proud of is being able to continue walking on the path I am on instead of rushing through the bushes to the other path to join in on the safety of numbers.
It’s like when I went to the city this weekend – that thought ran through my head again. “Gosh it would be fun to live here and party during the week after work like most of my friends do and hangout and stuff.” But then I come back to what I am doing and what my goals are. I’m where I am at so I can save money, to find my own place, to go back to school etc. I guess since I have such a imaginative mind that I can convince myself of these ideas but eventually have to bring myself down a couple levels to where I know I should be.
I hope that makes sense?
So yes, after all this time writing, I am still nervous. I am nervous about going the way I am yet I am more excited about succeeding than anything. I think that’s the kicker. Your excitement has to outweigh your fear. Then, you can continue down the path you are on and solidify that belief in your vision or dreams or goals as time goes on. My life has changed significantly in the way that I am no longer repressing my fears or nerves, but rather embracing them…which allows me to keep them in my pocket as I move forward excitedly.
The Better Man Project