Someone once said it…something like

If your value is determined by people compliments, then you will also be destroyed by their criticisms.

I didn’t really understand this quote until today. But now, I really get it. Before I get into this, I want to share an amazing quote with you by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Ignore the rude people who talk about you behind your back. Being strong doesn’t mean you always have to fight the battle. True strength is being wise enough to walk away from the nonsense with your head held high.

I guess this is the first time in a long time that I have heard about someone saying bad things about me behind my back. For a second, it rocked me. For the minutes to hours after, it fueled me. I put those comments in a special place inside of me that I can go to every day when I need them. The truth is, motivation is many things for people. Ideally you would want to set a very positive goal for yourself and work towards achieving that goal. However, the fuel we must use may not always be clean.

Sometimes, it’s going to burn black.

I always talk about the balance of life…light and dark…especially within the soul, and I believe that we can find things within ourselves that will fuel our actions even if the fuel itself isn’t pure. I am talking about the times someone said something hurtful, hateful, rude or just brutal in all. For some, those things can absolutely ruin their ambitions. To be honest, that happened many times with me. I didn’t have the belief in myself yet to “do it” no matter what anyone said.

These things that people say, in the end, aren’t even really about you. I know cause I have been on the other side. I remember a time when I couldn’t say nice things because I hated myself. I hated that they were doing it and I couldn’t. I hated everything about that person because they could make the sacrifices…they had the willpower…they were actually…doing what I had always dreamed of.

You can spend your life blaming other people and trying to bring other people down because you have a crappy life or you can focus on loving yourself and others, something you actually really need in order to be a positive person, and encourage other people and their dreams. In the end, spewing hate only tears you apart. Karma comes back around in one way or another and takes care of business. Been there as well.

You are either for people or against them.

Be for people. Be for their dreams…that makes you a warm person inside. That cold heart you are harboring is only going to freeze harder and eventually split into hundreds of pieces. Hate, jealousy, and anger will cut you in half and you will spend years battling between the loving side and the hateful side. Once again, been there.

No matter what you do, people are going to not like you for some reason. They will be rubbed the wrong way, they won’t like your hair, your eyes, your nose, your scent, your image…they will find a way. Don’t sweat it. You’re on the right track.

Because no one has ever talked shit about someone who didn’t mean something to them in one way or another.

Remember that. Not everyone is going to like peaches.

So you must really matter to them. So much, in fact, that they are taking time out of their day to talk about you. What an honor.

This train isn’t stopping. In fact, if I let it stop because of a few stupid gossipy comment about me, I don’t deserve what I am going after. What I am going after is bigger than this…and in the end, bigger than me. It’s about supporting other people’s dreams. To really understand what it’s like to make a dream happen, I am going to have to accomplish one of my greatest ones.

So cheers…haters…I tip my cap to you. I must be headed in the right direction.

Yours truly,

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project