When I gave up searching for the man I thought I should become, I gave myself the chance to see I was the man I needed to be.

A tortured soul she said to me. Tortured. And I looked back and smiled. “Mhmm. We make for the most interesting dinner conversations.

But she was right and I knew it.

My soul has been tortured for years. I could venture to say it has been tortured since the beginning. My first memory is being hospitalized due to my appendix exploding…when I was three.

The fact of the matter is, smooth waters never created a tried and true sailor. It is the times we are tested and yes, even tortured, that create strength. Strength was never created without resistance.

Resistance, in the finest of forms, is actually a perfectly good indicator of what path may end up most worthwhile.

I realized today, with sincerity, that I actually have everything inside of me already that I could ever possibly need.  I have all the ingredients it takes to be the man I have always wanted to be. What I needed to do though was let go the man I thought I should be…

In order to open up room for the realization that I am exactly the man I need to be.

We chase dreams. For one reason or another, we chase things…people…wealth…and yet all of these things are usually driven by some outside purpose. We see it almost as “when I get there I will be happy.” But the truth is, our happiness comes from being okay with…ourselves.

None of it matters if we aren’t in tune with what’s inside.

Tortured was a fair explanation.

Because being pulled in each and every direction without peace inside is almost the definition of torture itself. For me, I thought that what I was doing wasn’t good enough.

The reality is quite the opposite.

The changes aren’t going to be sweeping. They aren’t going to be drastic. There is no major announcement to be made or long post to be written.

I am just going to do what I know what is right in my heart.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project