The Death Of Me
Posted on March 31, 2014
Oh you’re going to be the death of me. Oh world you are going to be the death of me. Take me right to the end and send me off that cliff into the unknown. That place we are all packing our bags for. No idea when that is going to be…no ticking clock or flipped glass dripping grains of sand throughout time.
But I tell you what. I’m going to go out with nothing left in the tank. Thank you for giving those daily reminders of why I am doing what I am doing. You drive me into the ground. You rip and tear everything apart and solidify what matters. Each day I find who and what truly belongs in my life as I begin to understand your shredding ways are an act of simplifying my life instead of ruining it.
You’ve stripped me naked of people, friends, my character and everything I thought I was made of. Left me naked in the shower feeling the water flow over me – the only thing left was a little light somewhere deep down inside. Flopped down onto the wet floor like a bag of bones.
I often haven’t seen the big picture. If you told my high school english teachers that they would probably be surprised. Apparently my writing always lacked the details, but I rocked the big picture. Apparently, things have switched and I am understanding more and more how important the almost insignificant details are.
It’s the small steps that climb mountains. No leap of faith was ever well received by a rocky terrain. Those small little steps are important. One moment of lost focus and you find yourself barreling back down the mountain.
They say great writers know when to write. But I think the best of writers know when to not write. That has been the case for me over the past few months. Whatever I want to call it, it has been eating at my heart for a long time and taken away my enthusiasm for putting words down to the paper. It hasn’t been a good time for me to write. I’ve been thinking, learning, and pondering about something…and today, it finally hit me.
It deserves a much longer post. In fact, it probably deserves a book. So a book I will write.
This life throws all sorts of pitches your way. Today, I was knocked down to the dirt by a heater coming in high and tight. But right back up I went. Knocked the dirt off my jersey and stepped back into the box.
Swing for the fences.
– Evan Sanders