Those cold whisky rocks clink into the glass. Like syrup it pours. It must be Sunday. A little tradition of mine. Thinking about the past week. Celebrating. Cleansing my head. Looking forward.
This whole writing thing never gets easier – you just get better at it. You become more comfortable in listening to the beat within your chest and what flows from your hands becomes more and more the truth every time you sit down to write. Happiness becomes more profound. Pain from lifetimes of old sifts onto the page like sand through your fingers.
As I get older, I leaner more and more of what people are capable of. I feel like the game always has higher stakes. Every day is a new chance to sit down at the table with players you have no idea about. No clues on tells. Shrouded faces. Steady hands. There are smiling eyes and friendly looks – but at the same time there is a slight uneasiness in the stomach. As time goes on, the disappointments become greater. The pain becomes a little more real. That uneasiness in your stomach, well, it grows…at times.
Today I thought about writing for the first time in a long time. Usually, I just…do it. I don’t think about the process or really dive into why I do it. But today I thought about it and came up with something pretty interesting. I write because it’s my opportunity to reflect on, well, me. What type of man I am being? Who I am becoming…where I am going? But it also gives me the chance to think about what is happening in my life. You know, that 10% of what happens to you. And while the stakes seem higher and higher as the days, weeks, months and years go by – I always find myself sitting at the table.
There have been times I wanted to stop playing…trust me on that. To hide. To run. To shut everything out. Been there plenty of times. But I always find myself back to the table…pondering the type of person I am being. Am I living the bold life I set out to live all those years ago? Am I bringing the highest quality product to the table each and every day? Am I competing with my potential? The answer may surprise you. But it’s the truth. Honestly…
No.
No, I am not. Thing is, I’m trying. The efforts sometimes ebb and flow, but in all I am giving this thing a good passionate shot. Every day I learn a little something, call it a personal life hack on how to become the man I want to be. The goals I have set…they are pretty damn high. Am I the type of person that can accomplish them? Maybe. But that maybe will eventually turn into a yes when I adapt and morph over time. I want to be something great. But more importantly, I want to be someone who someone else looked at and didn’t give up because I didn’t. That would mean more to me than any personal accomplishment.
Life is about sacrifice. Sometimes you have to make the selfish decision. But if you know it’s going to lead you to the best possible version of yourself, then you have to make it. Like I wrote a few days before…it would be committing spiritual suicide to not go after your dream. Every day, attempt to put the best quality product of yourself on the table. You may not do it…but you are pointing yourself in the right direction.
We all lose ourselves sometimes, but if our moral compass is pointing in the right direction, we are going to be more than okay.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
Reblogged this on C'est la vie!.
For some reason, I found it a relief to know that it doesn’t get easier, that I’m not the only one who must push past wariness and place my best self forward anyhow. Regardless of yesterday. Thank you for writing. You inspire us to reflect the same.
You certainly touched a cord in all the people who commented and those who “liked” your post – well done! And, that’s what I wanted to say, beautifully written!
Exactly what I needed to hear today. Count me as “someone else looked at you and didn’t give up because you didn’t.”
I absolutely loved this. Very inspiring. Thank you.
This is the best kind of work I know. Becoming the self you want to be and hopefully touching another along the way. I have enjoyed your pursuits so far and look forward to what is ahead. p.s. little typo- As I get older, I leaner more and more of what people are capable of. I have no doubt you are a learner indeed. 😉
A moral compass is a necessity. Without it one is nothing more than a facade of a person, pretending to live, thinking one is living, hoping so.
Nice
Reblogged this on Myriad Hues.
Fantastic post. The more you write, the more you reflect. Keep it coming.
This is wonderful..thank you for sharing Evan. Reblogging this if thats okay with you!?
I was asked by a friend recently why I wrote and I told her it was to make sense of things around me and in me. I love how you put those similar thoughts to writing. I don’t think we’re ever going to reach our true potential but that is what pushes us to keep trying.
Carpe Diem…Lovely writing. Have a beautiful Monday.
I strongly believe that writing about ourselves it is always a challenge, you might be thinking that it would be easy because we are with ourselves everyday at every second, but in reality the perspective of “us” is way too far from our understanding. Your post definitively placed a couple of seeds of thought in me, about my own self. Great job!