Sometimes there is no situation of right vs. wrong. Sometimes there’s only a choice of which is less wrong.

The older I get, the harder it becomes. I feel like someone is constantly upping the ante on me. ‘Here…take a little bit more. Wear this for a while. Deal with this. Live with it.’ Honestly, it can be heartbreaking at times. I thought the younger years of my life were a struggle. But now, even with being stronger, the weight is still just as challenging. The responsibilities are greater. The more time you spend with someone the greater the risk with their feelings. People become much more capable of doing things you wish they would have never learned. And I guess it’s true…the brighter the light the darker the shadow.

Cause freedom is God
Freedom is acknowledging the mask you have on and possessing the strength to take it off
Freedom is accepting every step of the path
And when it’s hard having faith in the ability to embrace it,that’s where you are
And this is it
The same shit that we work towards, but go against in the same sense
My friend hit me to some game and truth unraveled, she said
“the brighter the light, the darker the shadow”

– Macklemore

How could it be that as a loving man you could wake up some days and catch yourself wishing that you never met someone you loved so deeply? How can that be? But in all honesty, I know the answer. I know that life is incredibly balanced and it serves you both sides of the spectrum. That you will wake up with that thought, and then a few minutes later you have this feeling pitted in your gut of wanting to see them so bad. Then, you land somewhere back in the middle and continue with your life and the present.

No matter how old you are, your life still exists on the playground. On the swings.

We swing up and down. Not mostly by choice, but because life has this amazing way of “lifing” us. Boy does it have it ways of teaching me something. Nothing is every normal. No “oh this kind of sucks.” That would be to easy. It has to be something more. I have to hit in to inning ending triple plays. That’s nice life.

There is nothing worse that knowing you are about to hurt someone. Even with the best of intentions in the world, it turns you into a mess inside. I know how painful it can be because I’ve been on the other side of that conversation as much as anyone else. Some things just can’t be comprehended. It’s hard to understand…it’s even harder to forgive. You can’t convince someone you are trying to do something out of love, you just have to do it and hope that one day it can seen.

I can’t even understand sometimes. The question of “what’s going on inside?” is probably the most scary and confusing things you can ask yourself. And even if you search, you might not get the truth right away. The truth might hit you on and idle Tuesday while you’re walking to the gym and that sinking feeling runs down your back and you feel your heart drip into the concrete. Then there’s that dizzy nauseating feeling of experiencing yourself go cold. That’s how I know I’m in trouble.

We don’t ask for it. In fact, I don’t know many people begging the heavens above to have a bomb dropped on them. I sure as hell don’t. Sometimes we see it coming, but you can’t run away from a heatseeker. It’s coming for you no matter what and you can either choose to panic in your last moments before the news or sit and wait as calm as you can.

I often hear people say life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

I agree with that. I agree with the fact that you really must decide what to do after that 10% smacks you around. But I think part of growing up is trying to understand what to do by making decisions. Taking responsibility for that decision…really putting it through the ringer before you make it…and actually having the intestinal fortitude to follow through. I make bad choices all the time but I learn from them and try not to make them again.

We must learn from our past and try not to make the same mistakes in the present. I can’t say I’ve been the best at adopting that last sentence, but I’m trying. I’m trying my best to give people my love, to care about them deeply, and move forward with becoming a better person. I screw up a lot. But I keep my head up. There’s no getting through this thing called life without learning lesson from our daily storms.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project