“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates

Your world and how you perceive it to be is going to be the fundamental driver of all your actions in this life. That concept will govern everything you do. But I don’t want to talk about that as much as I want to talk about what to do when you are really struggling. When you find yourself in a rut and you can’t get out of it. When you feel bad about yourself, your life, and what you are doing with your time here on this earth. Is there a secret? Maybe. But I want to share with you something that I have learned over the past few years and in writing many many times about the dark times.


What truly changed my entire life was realizing that I was indeed responsible for my own life. Of course there will be things in life that are completely out of your control. You have no ability to see them coming and when they happen they completely pull the rug out from under you. Were things truly turned around for me was when I realized that I had the power to act…not react. Action: the difference between movement and progress. I can tell you, there were moments that I thought I really wasn’t going to make it out. I would say to myself, “I don’t foresee any possible solution to this. How is this going to turn around.” Well it did…but that only came with the realization that taking responsibility for my own life was the only answer. The only way I could get myself into a better position was to create it. The only way to get to where I wanted to go was to build a foundation based off of my pride and determination. It’s in that moment when you bet on yourself when the script is flipped. Tighten your belt and string up your boots.

I’m going to give you an analogy.

And here comes another baseball analogy. When you are reacting to life…you are standing at the plate, bat on your shoulder, watching the balls and strikes come in…and waiting to be walked or struck out. You don’t swing…you just let the pitcher determine whether or not you are going to be successful that game. You are just watching and your reaction will be whatever the pitcher decides its going to be. However, when you are in action, you are sitting on your pitch and adjusting your strategy as the at bat moves along. You are waiting for your moment, hands ready, and when that pitch comes you try to make the best contact you can.

Life works in a very similar way. If you wait for your pitch, and you are prepared to hit it, you increase your chances of doing something great. But if you sit around and wait for things to happen, that is exactly what you are going to get: a lot of sitting around. I believe that whatever may be above us is watching to see what we do with what we have been given…what we can create…what we can make with our minds and our hands. Because those are the two greatest tools that we will ever have. We have the infinite capacity to either love or hate. We have the ability to send out incredible amounts of positive energy into this world…or choose to darken it…to dim the lights…to spread pain.

Life becomes a series of actions then…and with every action there is a result. When you choose to text someone and tell them that you miss them and that you care about them…you are doing out of love. When you choose to help someone in need, or pick someone up when they are down, you are making a choice…a positive choice. And that love and those choices have a ripple effect on the rest of the world. If we can all make those positive choices, starting with taking responsibility for our own lives and the things we decide to do – that is when this ship is going to truly set sail for a better place.

I choose, and I hope you will join me, to spread love every single day. I chose this path because that is what was done for me and brought me out of the worst. If you make that choice…you will become infectious – and for the best reason in the world: love.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project