Hemingway once said, “All people talk of it (love), but those who have had it are marked by it.”

A long time ago, I wrote the following…

“I have an irreplaceable piece missing, and as much as I want that piece back, that piece is down deep in the sand and I can’t find it anymore. I have to sit on the beach, waiting for that piece to uncover itself again. No digging in the world will find it, and no amount of help from anyone else will help uncover it. In the end, there are no words that will bring it back. That piece might never come back to me again…and that’s the honest truth. It’s a truth that I have to deal with every day. For now, I have to feed my faith, and let my fears starve.”

Someone who is becoming progressively closer and closer to me told me today that once you give your piece of a heart to another…not matter if it has faded away, you continue to feel love for ages to come until it has found a worthy donor. I thought that this was incredibly true and it brought me back to a time a long time ago where I felt this way. Even more, I knew that no matter what, I would be there for the people who I have loved in the past. That is just the type of person I am. Just because I am not in love with you doesn’t mean I don’t love and care about you. So she made me think about this…and here’s what I came up with.

When I go out, I want to have branded my love onto those around me. I want them to deep down remember who I was, what I was to them, and all the amazing things we did together. Things aren’t always going to be perfect between people, but isn’t that the point? Isn’t that the test of time? It either makes you stronger or it tears you apart. Those who really care will always be there for you. It is an undeniable truth of life.

But back to what I wrote above…about irreplaceable pieces. Every single loss, there is a piece of you missing. Maybe just a little sliver, but I think that it is a piece nonetheless. Without giving pieces of your heart to those who you love, you fail to give them yourself at all. Your heart is not meant to be covered by barbed wire and protected. In fact, the way you grow and the way you learn is by being vulnerable. By having those moments in which you sit there feeling apart…like the analogy of me being on the beach and having pieces of me buried in the sand…your heart grows stronger. You look at yourself and realize that you can withstand anything. You can take anything that comes your way. And here’s the kicker…you must keep putting yourself out there…because if you live this live without falling deeply in love, well, you haven’t lived at all. Put your heart on your sleeve. There are too many people out there these days that are playing it safe. Everyone around you deserves to see the real you.

“Stay open, who knows, lightning could strike.” – Meet Joe Black

I always keep it in the back of my head. When you least expect it, people will show you amazing things. I would rather live my live knowing that I will have my socks knocked off rather than thinking people are inherently bad. I think we all sin differently, but the problem is, people judge others because they sin differently. I am discounting the people who do terrible terrible things btw….but in the day to day sense, the area in which we all play, people just make big mistakes. This doesn’t mean that they should be punished forever because of their transgressions. I have been lucky enough to have some friends around me who went through some hard times with me, and supported me despite all the mistakes I made.

It comes down to accepting people for their failures and for their successes. And even more, for all of their characteristics. I don’t try to change people. In fact, I love them for their major major faults. They are beautiful to me. Because if you look at it this way….the way that how could it be that such a fault could exist in such a great person…you realize that there is something else at play here. Some sort of resilience inside of them that lets a major imperfection exist alongside the rest of their great qualities. You know what it is?


Balance allows you to be exactly who you are without reacting to the rest of the world and doing what you think it wants. Balance allows your imperfections to coexist within you without tearing you apart at the seams. What happens though…is that when we magnify our imperfections more than we magnify our great qualities…we start to split. Like cutting the seams on a baseball…it all begins to unravel.

Only you can stop the the running string. In no way am I saying that you  can’t work on yourself each and every day, in fact, that is what this whole project is about. But do not expect not to have major flaws. I have my own…in fact, I have admitted many of my own here. I have had many flaws in which a while ago I thought would rip me to pieces. They in fact did…but there will come a time for each of us where we have to decide to start sewing those pieces back together. Where we must rise up from the ashes. Everyones path is different…my path, one where I am still not sure how I even ended up here, is the same as many. Conquering fear, pain, agony, anxiety, depression, personal doubt, external doubt…the works. We are all in the same boat. Maybe there aren’t times in which we experience “droughts” so to speak, but everyone cycles through emotions. Everyone can relate to each other on an emotion basis.

Love your heart out. I don’t care how hurt you have been in the past, someone will come along and absolutely sweep you off your feet. Have faith. It will come 🙂

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project