Posted on November 18, 2012
It’s funny how long it took me to be comfortable with being myself. For the longest time I tried to be someone who I thought other people would like. But, you learn over time that you are sacrificing everything that is special about you. You were given certain gifts, and most of the time when you try to constantly please other people, these gifts deteriorate. So instead of trying to look good all the time, or move away from looking bad, I just started acting authentically me. I learned the fastest way what I was good at and what I was bad at. But problems identified are things that can be fixed and worked on.
Find out what your style is…and go ahead and be that way. Authenticity is something that you can see in someone right off the bat. You can also tell as clear as day when someone is faking it. I have always been pretty perceptive about the people and events happening around me, and actually think that this has helped an incredible amount during this project. But I pose the question to myself a lot. “What is the point of living this life if you are too afraid to be you.”
When you were a kid, you were just you. That was it. Laughing crying screaming yelling giggling…chasing girls around the playground. That was just you. There were no outside pressures to be something that you weren’t. I think it happened to me right around second grade where I started actually being conscious of the feelings of pressure to do and be something else. Till this day I still recognize that societal pressure…however give no value to it. I will not be something that goes against everything I believe in. In fact, no matter how hard it will be, I will go against the grain. It has been difficult so far, but it has also been worth it.
Last month, I took my dad up to Donner Peak for his 60th birthday. It was thousands of feet straight up and brutal rocks to climb, but we made it…and it was an incredible feeling to be up there with him. It is something that I will never forget. We were driving around Tahoe today and looked up at that snow-covered mountain, and he started talking about how painful it was to get up to that peak…and if I had asked him the next weekend to do it again he would have said forget it…but once the pain subsided…now all he thinks about is how fun it was, how great of an accomplishment it was, and how he would do it again in a heartbeat. What did I learn from this? This is exactly how life is. We see a huge mountain in front of us, and struggle and struggle up it…and as soon as we get to the top…all of the pain is forgotten. So in my view, set huge goals…because when you achieve them, you will be incredibly happy.
If your goals don’t scare the shit out of you, then they aren’t big enough.
The Better Man Project
Great post! Reminds me of a quote by Sandra Galati, “Word (((HUGS)))” blogger– “The freedom I feel when I’m genuinely me far outweigh any acceptance I receive when I pretend to be someone I’m not.”
I’m really loving your blog.
Great post. My kids aged 14 and 9 yrs respectively are so happy with themselves.and it is great to see them so comfortable in their own skin without caring what others think of them.
You are so right about goals too! Well done to you and Dad.
It is so true.. We spend our entire life trying to be someone which we are not just for others happiness…But just being ourself, what truly we are is the greatest feeling ..
This resonated with me so, so much. For the past few years, I’ve been trying so hard to prove something to others, to look like I’m put-together, polished, and mature. I don’t know if it worked, but I certainly know that I didn’t feel polished or mature. So, I’ve reverted back to my Lord of the Rings t-shirts, glittery shoes, unbrushed hair, and I feel much better. I feel more comfortable. More confident. That comfort has manifested as strength, confidence, and assertiveness.
Love your blog.
Reblogged this on Mad World und kommentierte:
First I love this blog, the man (It may seem a bit weird to write love… anyway), his thoughts and his inspirational snacks.
But being who you are is difficult. Well, that’s what I think. The style is a good question for me every day. First I’m a girl. Yeah I just claim it’s harder for girls… That thing with being yourself. And for me it’s really hard. I can’t stand the looks (the problem is I always think they look at me even if they don’t.. Really, I’m paranoid :O ) Moreover I have problems with liking my body and that’s no good for standing for my style. And I don’t have the “normal, modern” style everyone has.
But my friend Dessi has. She is beautiful, she has the cool and modern style. I can never compare to her. And suddenly you feel shabby and clumy next to her.
But I like his style and I’m glad there are people out there who go their own way and don’t let others hold them down. Congrats guys! I admire you.
Have a good day stranger
You are right on point. I have a 3 year old daughter who does’t care what anyone thinks about how she looks. She wears her costumes all day long and she is one happy child in them. I too have been working hard on pleasing and looking good for everyone. TODAY IT STOPS! Im going to be me and emulate my 3 year old and be happy with my style! THANK YOU SIR!!
I look forward to reading your posts but this one was phenomenal.
This brought tears to my eyes! Excellent post, it definitely hit home.
This hits close to home. I recently figured out who I was and found myself when I graduated high school. It took a long while; I even left college for a year and a half because I was so unhappy with myself. I didn’t know what I liked or what I wanted to do with life.
I am the happiest I’ve ever been. I know what my life goal is, I know everything about myself and I journal. I write more than I ever have. It’s very therapeutic and relaxing.
I’m excited for more of your posts.
Keep em coming, Evan! 🙂
“If your goals don’t scare the shit out of you, then they aren’t big enough.” This line nailed it for me. Thanks Evan 🙂
Love it.. Thanks for this post.
LOVE the last line 🙂
Great picture, Evan. Love this post. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is something that a lot of us want, but not a lot of us feel. It takes courage to just “be.”
Hi Evan..just read this quote this morning and thought of your journey.
“A man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” Muhammad Ali
I’ve never been one for the “safe” route, but when I get insecure or scared, I sometimes try to rationalize it as being a good idea. In the end though, like your father, any time I take a personal risk (like starting a blog!) it’s extremely rewarding.
Fumbling with coffee in hand, barely awake, I found this post. This day off was long overdue. Moments come and go that I catch a glimpse of myself drowning in corporate shenanigans, but most days I quietly lie. I want to avoid the excruciating feeling of doing something daily that I really want nothing to do with.
Today I have time to appreciate the delicate details. Being genuine can be a surprisingly delicate detail. Thank you for this post – you’ve gotten my week off to a good start.
It took me way too many years to reach the same conclusion. And being myself is so much easier than trying to be something else. Nice post.
Reblogged this on Second chances and commented:
Always stay true to yourself
You know, you are not just a better man, you are a better human being. Remember Oscar Wilde’s quote? “Best to be yourself. Everyone else is taken.” Thank you, thank you.
Wonderful post! I too felt like this up until a few months ago when I quit a job I hated and started doing what I’ve always wanted to do and be the way I want to be without letting other people’s opinions change me. It’s the most liberating feeling in the world, More people should take a deep breath…Don’t be afraid to take that step and the the world would be a far more beautiful place! Clare
You’re so handsome.
Great post! I got to thinking a while ago that setting huge goals is a positive thing and even if I don’t achieve everything, theres no shame or failure because I’ll still have done more than I ever imagined to be possible.
Wow, thank you for posting this. I agree 100% people spend way too much time trying to be like everybody else. I love being myself; people view being different as weird or as being an outcast. I think that’s a bunch of bull, personally. Why try to be like everybody else? I have my own style, I don’t want yours.
Your last line says it all 🙂
This is so true! Love it!
In my case, I left a stable corporate life and is now trying to make a living out of my doodles. I feel as though people are gossiping behind my back that I went bonkers. Or it could be my imagination since I’m a cartoonist. Haha.
Awesome post, Evan! It’s all about authenticity and just being happy with being yourself. I guarantee people would rather have a genuine person in their lives than a fake one. And if they don’t, well, they’re probably not the kind of people you want to surround yourself with.
I felt the same, they seem to think that smiling a lot is normal but I believe smilers are actually sad.
I’m happy of being who I am now, during my teenage years I tried to be different and have always felt I’ve betrayed myself and lied to others.
Now I’m stepping back trying to relearn my real self again.
I’ve never had a problem being me, but it seems that other people have a problem with others being authentic. I’m not a smiler, never have been, but people always tell me to smile, and when I don’t, they don’t like it. I only smile when I feel like smiling not to please someone.
Fantastic! It took me a long, long time to relax with who I am. Admire you for learning to be you. I was much older than you are now before I started this process in my journey. Good job.
I appreciate people who understand who they are and act that way. This is an amazing post and an amazing reminder to find out who you are and be that person!
love it… especially this:
“We see a huge mountain in front of us, and struggle and struggle up it…and as soon as we get to the top…all of the pain is forgotten. So in my view, set huge goals…because when you achieve them, you will be incredibly happy.”
Thank you for sharing and remind me to be myself.
I agree 110%.
Wow! This is awesome. Love it.
I totally agree. You and your style are the same thing. How painful it is to portray an image you don’t and can’t fit.