Earlier today, I started writing a post that didn’t exactly turn out how I wanted it to. I was pretty upset about a few things regarding politics, election day, and things surrounding all of the jargon that was getting spewed all over Facebook. My attitude crumbled and my writing definitely reflected my opinion on the complete ignorance that was going on. But I kept to one of my rules. Politics don’t belong here.
But I do want to talk about people’s actions today because it really made me think pretty hard about things. This post might be subtitled “The Band Wagon” What is amazing is how millions upon millions of people can be so uninvolved in something, yet when the bright lights are on so to speak, everyone starts speaking up as if they really know what is going on. Now I know there are tons of people out there who are really involved and that is fantastic, but I’m talking about the bandwagoners. The same thing happened in 2010 when the San Francisco Giants, the team where I have had a Barry Bonds jersey since I was 5 years old, made the World Series. I remember walking into the Giants Dugout store earlier that year, and no one was in there. But as soon as they started performing well, the whole store sold out. Maybe that’s exactly what everyone was doing…selling out.
We have all become fair-weather fans. Not just with our sports teams, but with life. We only expect things to be fantastic, and if they aren’t, we freak out. If our children are upset, we almost teach them that they are wrong. That they shouldn’t be in a bad mood because that is just unacceptable. We shove happiness down their throats and expect them to cheer up. People don’t even know what to do with you these days if you express that you are unhappy. But the funny thing is, we have more people walking around faking it these days than ever before. We have everything at our fingertips, yet people are paralyzed by the feeling of not being able to deal with their…feelings. Not being able to change their outcome because they don’t even know what that looks like. Not being able to get out of a rut because they have been taught their whole life that the rut is the worst place to be in. It’s not so bad…seriously. I mean it sucks while you are in it…but can’t you appreciate it for what it is? I have been a few ruts in my time…and the only thing that ever got me out was understanding exactly what I was in. Like my old professor once said…you must accept your current circumstance and accept it before you can move on to something greater.
I wrote a post a long time ago called “The Size of Your But” and it focused on the way that we say we would do something “but” this happened. My challenge was to remove the word but from all of the things I wanted to do…and see what was left over. Action. Action was all that was left. Without a but, you are an unstoppable machine going after your dreams. What got me in a frenzy today is how there were tons and tons of people spewing out …I support your right to vote, BUT if you don’t….you are just as bad as the Nazi’s or whatever they could concoct. Why don’t you just support people’s rights. Why can’t we all just love the hell out of each other no matter what type of person we are? Black, white, gay, straight, tall, short, skinny, fat. However, in this day in age, there is a complete lack of compassion and shame. There is no sense of decency. Just because we have the given right of free speech does not mean that this trumps the natural law of doing good. We have put people up on a pedestal who spew hate and the worst qualities that there are out there…Lying, drug abusing, cheating, violent, ‘bile spewing hate-mongers’…for the sake of our entertainment. Turn on the TV and see what is on there. Countless shows about things that children have no business ever seeing. But even more…we as adults should never have to watch this and learn from it. Because even if you are watching and you think you are immune to it, you are learning. Somewhere down the line maybe something happens and you wonder how in the world you could have possibly acted in the way you did…well, maybe you subconsciously learned it from the filth that has been spread around.
I speak purely for men right now, and I have very strong beliefs that we have lost our kindness. Where our soul has been stripped from us, and now we are more interested in going to clubs and “bagging hoes and dropping bills” rather than taking care of the women around us. What makes it even worse is now women expect that when we act nicely towards them, we want something. That we are out to get something from them and have some sort of ulterior motive. Where are the women out there who look for that man who treats everyone well and who vocally respect that? The worst of us guys are acting like slobs, and it ruins everything for all the nice guys out there who are looking to treat someone right…and our society puts these reality Tv junkies in front of millions of eyes and we lose good men. We lose men to the other side because we are shown that it is okay to bail on your responsibilities, to act without any sort of accountability, to disrespect or even hit women, and to rape the world of its kindness. We spew out words like “faggot” and “retard” because we try to hurt people as much as we can…and that only causes people to want to rather kill themselves than live in this world with us. Whatever heart this world has…it is bleeding. We need to stop that bleeding.
I am in no way before you a perfect man. But I believe I have a good heart. And I believe that I know what it takes to help turn this around. What is it? It should come as no surprise to you that I believe that in order to change the world, we must first change ourselves. It will take millions and millions and millions of people to start making a dent…but the amount of kindness that is going to get spread around will infect everyone else. No more cheating lying heroes, no more looking up to people who abuse humanity, no more raising up of those who prey on the weak. We need to expect something greater of ourselves as a unit. One currently dysfunctional unit. But as any engineer will tell you, it can be fixed. The scale is impressive, and it will take a lot of people to do it, but we need something better. We need to raise the bar. We need a whole lot of love…passion…and people who don’t quit.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
I’m a big fan of the blog, but I think this might be my favorite post you’ve written so far. Incredibly well put, I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for putting your voice to this topic!
Kindness is the cure for our weary world and it only takes a few to start the ball rolling. Thanks for being a better man . . . and a great person.
This is spot on. It’s almost as if you looked into my heart and wrote this. I want so much to be a better man. A better son, a better husband, a better Dad, a better employee, a better Boss, a better person, a better me… And I am actually getting there….step by step, day by day.
Yes, it’s really tough sometimes. But i always stand taller when I get up off my knees 🙂
Beautifully said! and timely too.
Nice post! I very much agree that a lot of adults and media these days are teaching children that any kind of negative feeling is a problem, to be replaced with happiness ASAP, instead of a reasonable reaction we are allowed to feel and work through. This is one of many issues addressed in my review of the new TV show “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood”.
Regarding your overall theme of being a better man, I wonder if you’ve heard of Boys Advocacy and Mentoring, a program of group activities that help boys build emotional intelligence and respect themselves and each other as individuals instead of masculine stereotypes. I’ve read their book and think the program sounds really cool!
Hello! I noticed you started following my blog so I’m happy to return the favor! 😉 I love your message of living each day to become a better man. In my own life I proclaim that today I am better, stronger, more intelligent, more peaceful, more vibrant, more abundant, than I was yesterday. That kind of thinking sets me on a platform to EXPECT higher vibrations to flow into me and be received well. I let the highest point of yesterday be the lowest point for today so that I can move on and not linger upon yesterday, even if it was an amazing day!
This was a really good post! I totally agree, and like you are getting annoyed with the band wagoners, I do too. I just think that people should understand that there is no fault in not thinking or meaning something about everything. If you don’t you don’t, you don’t need to pretend you do once everyone else does. You have your own interest and they don’t need to be like everyone else’s. No one can know something about everything, and if you don’t know it is hard to mean, so why not just admit that you don’t have a meaning.
My favorite sentence: “Why can’t we all just love the hell out of each other no matter what type of person we are?”
Why do we have to spend time on things and people we don’t like, why not just love, and get on with it?
You are being poetic at the same time as you are making many points come through (“Whatever heart this world has … it is bleeding”). I would love to see you do some creative texts or poems.
I am impressed.
Really like the quote from your old professor
Well said, and profound. I’m not a man, but this is a bandwagon I would be proud to jump on.
thank you. i hope more people think like you do.
You are already a better man. Keep going.
Sooooooooooooo many great points in one post! Thanks for sharing your insight.
AMEN!! Excellent, just what I needed, thank you!!
You are like the best friend I never had! Thank you! I love you blog. 🙂
oh..amen! as i sat here reading this before heading off to work, my heart was shouting a resounding YES! to it all…Especially the part about how we are afraid to deal with real feelings, unhappy feelings. So many people wear masks just to get through the day…its one of my greatest sadnesses…just wanting to see REAL people being REAL. Love your blog 🙂
Kim
Reblogged this on Life and its subtitles and commented:
Word to Mr. Evan Sanders <3
Thank you for this. Well said.
Incredibly, incredibly well said!!
That whole trashy tv thing is precisely why I haven’t had cable in the last 9 years. I refuse to raise my children subjected to such crap. It desensitizes, it breeds rampant consumerism, and it leaves our children feeling like they’ll never amount to something they shouldn’t want to amount to in the first place. Insightful post as always.
Thank you so much for your remarkable insights! If more people thought this way – or even took the time to think – we’d be one big step closer to a better world.
I don’t know about the rest of the women here, but I’ve come to the point in life where I realize there will always be someone smarter, prettier, richer, younger, and skinnier. My real beauty lies in the fact that I am the only me. Fantastic isn’t nearly as attractive as it used to be. Give me the gentleness of imperfection, the fragile grace of ‘sometimes’ broken people, and a bed that lives for truth rather than 2000 count sheets. Thank you, Evan. And you’re so right…. In times such as these, the world is full of experts. I’m not positive, but I’ve come to realize (also) that it isn’t going to matter a lot who is in that one office. What matters is what I do, and you do, and the next person to read this does. We matter and we belong to one another. Until we figure that out, we need to understand that if we expect superman, there has to be something to save……… ~ Love, Bobbie
You’ve got the right message. And you can live your life as an example to your children but you can’t make them happy. However you can give the the tools to learn how to think happy while their attitude catches up. If you get the inside right the outside will take care of itself.
Right ON! Thanks for sharing your raw, true, inner self. I liked what you said ….”in order to change the world, we must first change ourselves.”
Well said. I particularly liked your comment, “We only expect things to be fantastic, and if they aren’t, we freak out.” We live in a world where no one celebrates anything except the “fantastic”. We’re led to believe that anything less than this is useless and pointless.
I’m looking forward to reading more of your entries!
I’m such an idiot. when you brought up the size of your but it made me think of the Pee Wee Herman movie and when he asks the girl what her big but is. Anyway, you are absolutely right. Interest comes and goes in fads and as a writer many schools teach to observe trends and capitalize on them to write successfully. But that kind of success is fleeting and the best writers that have stood the test of time have been those going against the grain.
Evan, BRAVO, BRAVO BRAVO….superb share….I agree completely! Thanks for being u!
Awesome, I for one see the same thing in the men that surround me for the most part. Thank you for having the strength and courage to become a better man! I choose so as well and am grateful you choose to share and encourage us men to step up to the plate and become better Men.
Amen!!
EPIC. Keep on it!