I have had an interesting dilemma which I was not really used to and couldn’t really get a grasp of until this weekend. I had an amazing perspective offered to me and it was so compelling that I have to write about it here. Over the past year or so, I have had a handful of people in my life only come to me when they are really hurting or in trouble. I call this “being in their darkest hour.” Then, when I offer sought after counsel…they disappear. I used to take this a bit harshly…thinking that I was not worth being present through the good times. This has happened on more occasions than I can remember. I really had no idea what to do with this situation until I was told…”Ok…Evan I mean it is perfectly acceptable for you to be a little bit annoyed…but think of it this way. When that person is in their darkest moments…and really need help…they think of you as that one person who can help them see the stars when it is so dark outside. So don’t take it in a poor way that they are coming to you. Of course you shouldn’t be taken advantage of…but keep an open mind about the whole thing.”
This knocked my socks off. And, like I said before, completely changed my perspective on the whole thing. You can be whoever you want…and if that means being the guide to the stars for those who can only see darkness, then I feel like that is quite an honor. It may not be that you will be part of the sunshine all the time, but to be that person who can offer a hand through the times of trouble is almost more important. Giving those the inspiration and courage to really take the steps that scare them. I thought about this all weekend…I was inspired.
So the next time someone comes to you that you haven’t heard from in a long time…just remember, they are there for a reason. They need you…because they thought of you when things got tough…and they know you are strong and can help…or even carry them when they are too afraid to make footprints of their own.
Keep your mind and heart open.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
Reblogged this on Where the Indigos Are.
Evan,
Loved this post. As my life has been transformed, I have had more people approach me and share their pains in life. I look at each one of these interactions as a gift — someone trusts me enough to share their darkest moments. While they sometimes do disappear or, on the other end of the spectrum, reappear without so much as an effort to internalize what we discussed the first time, I am honored by the fact they trusted me.
As you continue to authentically and openly celebrate your experiences, you are going to draw people in who have a desire to share their trust and confidence in you. It is a gift that each of you is sharing — their trust in you and your passion for listening, understanding, and helping.
Love every moment. You are touching and changing lives — that is all that matters!!
There is a difference between a dormant and ended friendship. I often don’t know which is which at the time of no contact. I also find that sometimes when people aren’t communicating with me they also aren’t communicating with other people as well (not that I was singled out).
Enjoyed reading your post as always, but this time your picture outweighed the message. Seeing somebody happy is one of the biggest inspirations of all.