When you don’t know the answers…find them. In most cases, there are always answers for everything. It may not be the type of answer you are looking for (i.e. an answer specifically coming from another person, but there may be an answer you can find within yourself). I want to give you a really good example of this that my dad gave me when I was going through a really hard time.

A long time ago there was a situation where I was completely blindsided by someone I really cared about. The decision made no sense, it wasn’t rooted in truth, and it left me feeling like I was in pieces for a long time. Situation would have it that I couldn’t specifically ask about it or inquire into it, I just had to bite the bullet. But as we all know, biting the bullet and taking the high road is really difficult and it can drive you mad if you aren’t mentally prepared for it. I struggled, for months. But at the beginning, I decided that I was going to search for an answer within myself. I knew that I would never really be able to get the answer from the outside, so I dove within. Interesting enough, this project started about a couple of weeks before this deep dive into myself began…and is probably responsible for the direction this blog took and the insights I have realized along the way. Needless to say, it was a defining moment. So as I dug deeper and deeper, I found answers within myself and came to peace with a lot of things. However, there was still one thing missing. This is where my dad’s piece of advice came in.

There was one day I was feeling particularly awful, and my dad out of all people can automatically tell when I am off. We laid down on the bed, my head on his chest, and he asked me why I was hurting so bad. I told him I couldn’t figure out “why” everything had happened. That is when he delivered me with a great deal of wisdom. He said, “Evan, some do not play the same game or even follow the same rules you do. You might be standing on the mound pitching, and they might be holding a football and running in left field. You can’t convince them to play baseball, because they are off in a different world. You just have to wait for the next hitter to come up and keep giving it your best shot.”

I will never forget this. In fact, in many of the situations I have dealt with since that point, I always remember the fact that many people are not playing the same game I am up to or even considering the same things I think about each day. I wrote the other day that if you give people long enough, they will come around to surprise you. I believe this is very true. You have to give people time to work themselves out, and my silence often has nothing to do with being upset or angry, it is just a gift so you can be you …(M.)… I am behind you 100%, I am supporting you, I am rooting for you, I am always here for you…more than you ever will know… and that doesn’t matter if things are quiet and different. My end will never change.

Why did I title this post king? The song above speaks volumes to me because music like this has always been there for me when I am going through hard times. Eminem’s recovery CD came out two years ago when I was really really hurting. I have memorized that whole CD, each lyric, and often of times rap along with him while I am in the gym. He was down when I was down. We rose up together. You are the king of your mind, your world, and your future. Put in the blood, sweat, and tears and you can change your life into anything you want. Every ounce of effort you put it can be fed, grown, and eventually…you will see it bloom into something you never imagined possible.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project