“For a true writer each book should be a new beginning where he tries again for something that is beyond attainment. He should always try for something that has never been done or that others have tried and failed. Then sometimes, with great luck, he will succeed.”- Ernest Hemginway

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”- Gandhi

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I read through all my posts the other day just to see what things were like. I wasn’t exactly sure of doing it, and frankly I was a little nervous. I remembered some of those posts were pretty emotionally packed. It was interesting running through them again, music and all, and hearing my voice. Sometimes I got choked up. My voice sounded a lot different then it does now. My voice sounded like it had thousand pound chains shackled to it…the weight of life dragging me down to my knees. It made me a little upset that I had to even be sounding like that in the first place. But we do not choose these things, they are chosen for us. I am not a believer in fate…that you are destined to go through certain events in your life and that its all planned out. However, I do believe that certain things happen for a “reason.” Thats a pretty fine line in between fate and whatever I want to call it, but I think you get the point. We meet certain people, and certain events happen just at the right time for us to grow and eventually bloom. In my life, that is a undeniable fact. 
One of my favorite movies of all time is Meet Joe Black. My post the other day that had the video about love in it definitely is one of my favorite scenes of all time. That is what I want for myself. But the movie is much more than just that scene about love. Joe Black, Brad Pitt, comes into the world and meets Bill Parish, Anthony Hopkins, who is a very wealthy business man whose turning 65 in a few days.

Basically, as the story goes, Death is on vacation and wants to see the human world for what it is. So, if Bill does a good job in showing Death around, he will get a few more days to live. Bill at first is in disbelief, then he is angry, then he accepts his fate and grips onto his family as hard as he can. He tells those who he cares about how much he loves them, and really spends as much time doing the things that matter in life in the time he has left. Death on the other hand falls in love with Bill’s daughter, and wants to take her back to where he is from. While Bill is fighting this in his office on his 65 birthday, and is coming up against formidable stubbornness…I mean hese telling Death he can’t do something…he basically asks Death if he has told her who he really is? Where she’s taking being taken? And then he says to Death that what he is feeling isn’t love, its some present infatuation. He then says,
“Reveal everything there is to know about yourself and let the chips fall where they may.”

 There are so many messages in this movie its unreal. One of them happens to be that only when you reveal the worst thing about yourself can someone truly love you. They will know your deepest and darkest secrets, and they are still there standing by your side. But one of the main messages of the movie is for this time we are here on this planet, make the most of every single moment. You have to do the things you are afraid of, be change you wish to see in the world, and accept the fact that things will be given to you and taken from you. That is just a part of life. We can’t expect to receive everything and never have something taken from us. Then we are just hoarders. Don’t hoard everything in your life, cut out the extra fat, and live a passionate and meaningful purpose. Death ends up approaching Bill’s daughter, telling her that he loves her, but it is time for him to go. He could have taken her, but he realizes its not right. He has to let her go. When it is time for Bill to go away, the two men are standing together watching the fireworks, and Bill says to a tearing up Death,
“Its hard to let go isn’t it. ‘Yes it is Bill’. And thats life, what can I tell you.”

The two men walk off, and more or less the movie ends. It was such a powerful scene because he realizes he has to let go of the thing he loves the most in this world. And that is life. Sometimes we have to let go of the precious things in our lives. However, while it does hurt for a while, you can always hold onto the times that made you smile. It doesn’t matter what was taken, don’t make it a sad thing for too long though. Eventually, no matter how long it takes, you will look back one day and just smile. Pain will drip out from your body when you do this.
It is what lies within you now that matters. What you have done in the past, or what might happen in the future does not matter. It is what you are made up of right now. The person you are right now. If you want to change that, then change it now. Because every single day you give yourself an excuse you are letting yourself down….and all those let downs are much harder to deal with then struggling with becoming a better person. This project hasn’t been easy, writing down all the things I am afraid of, all of the things I am feeling… but it has helped me become happier and be better than I ever could without it. Every day, I put my heart on the laundry line and pin up all my thoughts around it. Looking back, on the past 150 posts, no matter what was going on in my life at that time, I am incredibly happy now. I have never really ever smiled so big. Did I think I would get to this point? Yes….but at that time this project began, oh dear god I don’t think I could have said that with any actual conviction. So here I am, letting that smile show exactly how I am feeling. What is behind me is behind me, what is in front of me…who knows? But what is right now, is the present.

All the best,

Evan Sanders