Posted on August 2, 2011
You either have the results, or the reasons why not
I spent the past 3 days from 9am – 10pm at night at a program called the Landmark Forum. Simply put, these past few days have allowed me to transform my life. I want to share with you what I learned, or at least attempt to put into words what happened, because for the first time I truly feel alive.
We create stories around everything in our life. What I found out is that there is a major difference between what actually happened, and the way I perceived things. Wow. Talk about a eye opener. And that is exactly the point. We have let a story that typically happens when you are very very young run our lives. What I thought to be true, was created through the eyes of a 5 year old and it had religiously run my entire life up until a couple days ago. The glasses have come off. I can see clearly now. One of the hardest things to do was to call all the people who I have hurt or who I have current relationships with and apologize for being a jerk. To be honest, these stories that we create about people and the assumptions we make about males / females based on something that happened so many years ago doesn’t even give them the chance to be good friends with you. These goggles we see through are that profound in nature that they singlehandedly determine so many aspects of our life.
This, for me, was one of the hardest things to come to grips with. But it was so easy to understand. I have viewed women a certain way and I have viewed men a certain way, and no matter what they did that was right, it came into conflict with my current immovable views. Let me give you an idea of what this looks like in my head. Its a boxing match, and the lightweight comes out, pretty good shape, ready to rock and roll against his competitor. This, for the sake of the story, is the good things that people do and the very good sides of people. Now, in the other corner, comes out Mike Tyson in his prime, heavy weight champion of the world. Tyson is the predetermined view I have of everyone. The lightweight does not stand a chance. 3 seconds. K.O. And this is exactly what has happened in all of my relationships with friends and significant others.
What else did I realize. I thought I stood for things like love, passion, and never quitting. What did I find? There were countless examples where I wasn’t those things. There were countless examples where I definitely broke my own rules. This is also because of those stories that I had made up. Are you starting to see how much this runs your life?
Woah is right. Holy crap. So, what do you do about all of this? This major realization that your life has been run by an absurd set of predetermined beliefs about people. Well, there is only one thing to do. Clean it up. “Evan, you’ve been a jerk!” Time to face reality. And it really was true. I was a jerk. The good side of me kept on trying to come out and fight, and Tyson time after time kept beating me down. How exhausting is that? There are still things that I need to clean up with people, but I have made phone call after phone call or sitting down with people explaining how much of a jerk I was and why. This is not to just fix stuff, this is me being completely sincere. I am sorry for what I did. So I am taking a stand for what I know I am.
- Never Quitting
But there is a fourth thing, that I was missing this entire time. Integrity. I would be a man of integrity in some aspects of my life and not in others. I would say I stood for something and I would go out and do the opposite. Now though, my word is my word. If I say I am going to do something, I am going to do it no matter what. But also, my foundation is built on integrity. These few things are what I stand for. Simply put. Its no wonder I never achieved some of the goals I wanted to, because I completely lacked in integrity.
The Forum changed my life.
I owe so much to my Forum leaders and to my company for sending me. I can truly tell you that I stand in front of you as a entirely new person. I have been transformed, and while I had a lot of help doing it, I took responsibility for my life and made it happen. The quote at the top is true, “You either have the results or the reasons why not.” For me, there are no more reasons why things did not happen, because I am going out and making them happen right in the most important moment of my life; now.
The Better Man Project