Recovery. It’s time.
This is about letting everything go. Too often I dwell on the doors that have closed in my life…and mistakenly miss the ones that open. While your in it, its hard to see and hear those doors open. But really challenge yourself to look and listen closely. Doors will close all the time.
Randy Pausch, the cancer patient who wrote “The Last Lecture” delivered a sentence that seemed just for me and just at the right time. He says, “So that was a setback. But I kept my mantra in mind. The brick walls are there for a reason. They’re not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.” He then goes on to say…”sometimes, the most impenetrable brick walls are made of flesh.”
Yep, I could spend all day writing about situations, events, fallouts, heartbreak, and more…but looking at myself in the mirror this morning while I was brushing my teeth I asked, “Is that what this is for now? You continuously pouring your heart out? Is that what the better man you want to be is?” Well, the answer is no.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for that. Right now I am remembering the first part of his quote…”to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.” But that can be easily misinterpreted. The thing I want most right now is not something that I can do, but rather something I can’t do. I have to show restraint. And with that comes incredible amounts of pain, but I can take it. Don’t dwell, don’t wallow, but its okay to grieve for a while.
You have to realize that some things are completely out of your control. You really can do everything your supposed to, and it still won’t workout. I have realized in the past few days that its not a personal offense, but rather a logistical problem. And I know understand, very very well.
So with understanding, and closure, comes peace in the heart. I know that one day when I have my little kids and they get their hearts broken, I am going to be right there with them and doing what my dad did with me. Holding me in his arms (however I am a lot bigger than him now so thats kind of hard) and telling me stories about his relationships. Ever since last year, my dad and I have become very tight knit. I get a lot of the good things about me from him.
He has seen me at my worst, and he has seen me at my best. And knows that the best prescription for me is laughter. (He told me about a girl he dated in college that went UNICORN hunting on Sundays. Are you kidding me dad?) I know the pain is real, but like any other pain, it takes work and icing to get rid of that. It also takes you telling yourself that you have forgiven. If you keep anger or hate in your heart…it will consume you, trust me.
Its time to recover. I have forgiven. Slowly but surely the sting is leaving. It is really easy for you to lose faith in people, but that is not where you want to go or who you want to be. Instead, reach out and hug the people who you know love you as tight as possible. They will always be there for you no matter what. People come and people go, but be yourself…love as much as you possibly can…and in the end, if you need help with something…throw it up to the Big Guy living above us and he will sort everything out. We are given, to test our strength and heart, only as much as we can handle.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project