Sometimes I just sit back, think of all of it, and really feel lost. I know what happened between the time when everything started and now, but I don’t know how I got here. Its all a really big blur and I don’t feel comfortable. I really was shaken up last night. I feel like I am going up, but no idea where to. Sometimes I just don’t know what to think or what to do. Sometimes I am completely bewildered and at a loss of words. Even me, the person has been writing post after post…yes, gets the words stripped from him. There have only been a few times when the pen has hit the paper, and my hand cant write. Sometimes, I just want to float up and away in my own house in the sky and just sit there for a while in complete silence.

I miss my treehouse. It was my own little place where I could just go sit or lay down in. Just close my eyes, and I would be taken somewhere else. My treehouse took me away from it all. I would spend days in there over the summer just reading and sleeping in it at night. I miss my dog. I miss her because every single day she loved me unconditionally. People often talk about their first true love… she was mine. I dream about her every once in a while…going on adventures again, and just sitting out of the baseball field together, laying on the grass, exhausted from throwing the ball all day. Those are some of my best memories. Sometimes I can feel her walking next to me during the day, looking up at me. Just waiting for me to throw that baseball as far as I can again. If I was with her, she would run after that ball all day. Saying these things still brings tears to my eyes. I miss her a lot.

My life is a lot like this song right now. There are still lots of ups and downs. That’s okay. I know that if I keep living my life, things will get better. I am glad I have people around me that care a lot. They keep me in good spirits. The hugs I get from these people warm me up. It is really hard sometimes. To be perfectly honest, it still hurts. I still hurt.

But if my dog could speak to me, I know what she would tell me.

Thanks for the adventure – now go out and have a new one.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project