I haven’t written in the past few days because I have been completely at peace.

My mind is entirely calm, my soul has settled…so I have been enjoying every moment of it.

I cant tell you how much happiness has been seeping out of me, you might just have to see it for yourself.

I am attacking life again. I know I have learned from all of this writing because there have already been examples of tests of my character this week and I responded in the way I wanted to.

I have learned to pick my battles and save my energy for things that can be controlled.

For example, this week I was accused of being part of an “alleged alcohol incident.”

Naturally, I was very concerned because I one barely drink and two I had no idea what anyone was talking about.

It turned out that someone used my name when they were getting written up to save their butt, so I had nothing to do with anything.

When they confronted me about what they did and took responsibility for it, I made them tell me the whole story, and calmly got the number for the lady I had been in contact with and told them to call that person right away.

Me, a year ago, probably would have freaked out on that person.

But that doesn’t do anyone any good. Thats not me now. I went back into my room and just picked up my guitar and started playing.

I then stopped and was just kind of impressed with how I dealt with the situation. During the whole exchange between me and the person who used my name, my blood pressure didn’t rise.

I was cool as ice.

I am glad all that is settled, and now I know I have that calm and collected demeanor in me.

you gotta live to learn
you gotta crash and burn
you gotta make some stances
and take some chances
you gotta live and love
and take all life has to give
you gotta live and learn
so you can learn to live

This life has a lot to give.

But Rucker’s right, you really do have to do all of these things.

We can only learn to live…by actually living.

Every time we crash and burn, every stand for what we believe in, every chance we take with our heart, allows us to live our lives more fully.

I cant tell you how many times I have wanted to wall myself up and play life safe. Wall everyone out so I cant get hurt anymore, and just stay in neutral in terms of confrontation.

That’s not how I want to live my life, and no one should live their life that way. Despite all the pain I have been through, my favorite thing to do in this world is laughing and loving.

And I know that one day someone will see this in me.

They will “love me just for me” and stick with me no matter what.

So I can’t close myself up, cant put my heart or smile away, because if I do, I have let myself down.

I am learning to live, and living to learn.

No regrets, no shame, no fear, just being me again every day.

Whatever happens, happens…it’s just a part of life.

Sometimes life isn’t fair, but instead of dwelling on what isn’t fair, I am going to be focusing on what I can do…and how I can pitch to life’s biggest and hardest hitter.

I am alive again. 

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project