Well today was one of the more interesting days I have had in a while. Recently, I have been having these heartbeat issues. It feels like I am either skipping a beat, or God only knows. Over the past couple of days it has been progressively worsening till this morning in class where it got so out of hand I had to get up and leave at break and rush over to the doctors office. They hooked me up to all sorts of wires and machines and couldn’t find anything out of the usual despite the fact that I have a big heart, haha no pun intended. But what they did conclude was that my heart isn’t actually skipping beats, but adding beats where they shouldn’t be. Its a funny sensation inside my chest where it pounds slightly, then irregularly, and then goes away. What happens when this happens is actually your heart and body essentially try to reboot themselves and you get a shortness of breath or feel like the wind has been knocked out of you. Its kind of scary when something like that happens. You always take for granted that your heart is going to be beating the same way, and when it doesn’t, you definitely feel it. This is not a post to scare you, I am in good hands and have some great doctors watching over me, but it was an eye opener today. Life is just full of surprises.

So here’s an interesting comparison. Life is like your heartbeat. Boom boom, Boom boom, Boom boom…….but, there are these little times when your heart starts racing, or pounds, or slows way down, or in the case of what mine is doing right now its going Boom BOOM boom, haha, looks a little bit ridiculous on paper. There are also times when you feel your heart stops, for good and for bad reasons. I had one for a good reason today. Which is actually kind of funny, today my heart couldn’t figure what the hell it wanted to do for its rhythm lesson, and then it decided to stop when something amazing happened. I mean really? Really heart? The week before finals? But after waking up from my 4 hour nap today which was induced by my lovely doctor, I realized that life is kind of life a heartbeat. Here’s how this relates to me.

I equate my heart’s erratic behavior similar to starting up an old car again. I remember starting up the 1970 Porsche for the first time, and it was shaking and blowing out smoke and it looked like the thing was going to fall apart. But eventually after about half an hour it ran true and clean. My heart’s keys are in the ignition and I am pressing on the gas trying to get this damn thing started up again and its shaking all over the place. But hey, just like that Porsche, its going to run clean again after some oil changes and some new spark plugs. This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I know I am doing good in life when I can make myself laugh. Sometimes I really think the things I do are funny. Take yesterday morning. I was trying to put my jeans on, which got caught on my foot sending my directly face first into my closet and then all my clothes fell down on me. I sat in there just laughing at myself. This is me at my finest.

Life is great. Sometimes when your in the shit its hard to think of anything but the shit around you. But when your on your way out, you are so happy you dont stink anymore. I am on my way out and I love it. I had my moments to grieve and be upset, but fire up that engine Evan theres plenty to be done! I have so many great things on the way, I just haven’t been able to see them recently. I accept that whatever happens happens, and my heart, after some serious smacking around and talking to will start to beat properly again, and I will be able to do the things I love.

Sometimes in life, we have movie moments. Where things just set up so perfectly, and they just come through, and absolutely knock you right off your feet. That happened to me today. I loved it. And now I have all the answers I was looking for. There is not one thing else I need to know. So, Evan, walk the talk. Be a better man and go out there and kick some serious ass. You have what you need, you’ve been given all of the tools, so beging building yourself back up. Thats what today is about. Getting your heart to beat with purpose again. You might lose it, it might beat irregularly, but eventually it will straighten itself out, and without a doubt, a man on a mission with purpose is unstoppable.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project