The Better Man Project

Day (361) – Don’t You Worry

This song for me brings up all sorts of memories. But most of all, it reminds me of one of the finest lessons I have learned throughout the years. Well, maybe there are two or three. But today I am going out on a limb and talking about something that I haven’t really directly talked about before on this blog, but I think it is incredibly important and shouldn’t be missed. Everyone has lost someone they love, whether it was clean or a dirty break, and this quickly becomes one of the most emotionally consuming events out there. But what I want to talk about today is not about what specifically happens that causes people to break, but you…after it ends.

It is really easy to be bitter and upset. It’s easy to focus on the negatives, discard all the positives, and start trashing the other person because you are hurt and you are building some incredible defense mechanisms. I’ve been there. I’ve done it. And, I’ve felt like crap after. Even if you just listen to yourself talking poorly about someone who 5 minutes, you couldn’t even imagine how you got to that point when just a little while ago you were completely into them. I understand, some people do some terrible things, and I have been on the opposite end of them…and yes there is a line where you need to start respecting yourself and not put up with certain things. But, and this is major, you need to find a way to move on…and how the hell do you do this?

%inspirational quotes

Who are you? Really? Who are you?

If you know who you are and what you stand for…this comes a lot easier. When I was going through the worst of the worst…I had no idea what I stood for. What was even worse was that I found out that what I thought I stood for was total baloney. Yikes. Talk about your ultimate backfire. So the decision was to start implementing into my life characteristics of the person I wanted to become. I listed out my heroes, took the best of the best of characteristics from them, and went to work on those every single day. Lincoln taught me drive and purity of purpose, Plitt taught me to build my mind and my body, Roosevelt taught me to be the man in the arena and not focus on the critics, Churchill taught me to never never never give in, Robinson taught me to work harder even when people spit on you and to endure…the list goes on. But at the beginning, and I want to stress this, I didn’t know who I was. I was lost. I was broken. And I had absolutely no idea where I was going. But I started. I took that step. Here I am now.

You are going to get your heart-broken, stepped on, smashed up, lit on fire….I will stop there haha. But, there is something that counteracts all of the pain and confusion in you. Love. You may hate, or feel like you hate…but give yourself the gift of knowing that you care about the other person no matter what happened. Because the truth is, you do. You will have an internal conflict about whether you care or don’t give a damn about them, but if you decide that you care, you will act much better. You won’t trash talk, you won’t disrespect them, you won’t act maliciously…you will just be there to deal with your pain…and not deliver any more pain onto the other person. Don’t be that person who gets broken up with and then spreads smack about the other…it just makes you worse, and in the end, it says more about you then it does about them. My rule is “If I loved them enough to be with them, I loved them enough to let them be without me.” Which basically means, they don’t have to worry about me talking behind their backs.

%inspirational quotes

I’ve said it many times before. The only thing that matters…is the sound beating inside your chest. It’ll tell you what’s right. Next time something happens, decide to let the heart speak and not let hate or fear lash out. They just destroy things. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to let people know you are hurt…but don’t take your pain and make it someone elses. No one deserves that. Instead, decide to take it day by day, act in harmony with what you believe in, and at the end, you will be smiling. If you go the other route, you will still be harping on things that happened years ago. The choice is yours %inspirational quotes

Evan Sanders

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22 Comments

  1. December 22, 2012

    Reblogged this on fortune Melisande and commented:
    I had a nightmare last night that reminded how much I am upset about my ex-boyfriend and how I still love him. I was on the reader side of wordpress and here is, what I have randomly found.

  2. December 12, 2012

    So true. I love how I feel I can relate to all of your posts!!!

  3. December 11, 2012

    Very wonderful and responsible choice of words. We need to remember this when the world or just our loved one, gets us down.

  4. December 11, 2012

    Thank you for this, I was so upset and shattered by my ex for breaking my heart but I’ve recently realized that I’m the one who’s been carrying on the heartache by focusing on it each and every day. I have the power within me somewhere to stop thinking of it and focusing on the negatives and start looking at the positives.

    Clare

  5. ly
    December 11, 2012

    What’s worth doing even if you fail?
    Falling in love.

  6. December 11, 2012

    looking for heros for inspiratio postn is a great idea. great

  7. December 11, 2012

    Really nice post, Evan. The choice is ours

  8. December 11, 2012

    well said. love, compassion and respect for self and others…just that simple.

  9. December 11, 2012

    Could not agree more.

  10. December 11, 2012

    What a great post, insanely well written. I’m now a follower of your blog – looking forward to reading more!

  11. katrinaedwards
    December 10, 2012

    your words inspired me, made me understand about few things that are related to me…thank you Evan
    God bless and best wishes to you…

  12. December 10, 2012

    I agree with you one hundred percent. I think when you end a relationship and you have nothing but love, respect, and caring for that person afterwards, you know you had a wonderful mature relationship that just didn’t happen to work out. Your posts always somehow speak right to my soul on any given day. Thanks for writing and sharing your extraordinary thoughts!

  13. December 10, 2012

    Great post, Evan! I especially liked when you mentioned looking to role models for characteristics you admire in order to incorporate them into yourself. Excellent!

  14. December 10, 2012

    Meaning words, great advice to start the new year!

  15. December 10, 2012

    WOW! Thank youuu!!!

  16. OneHotMess
    December 10, 2012

    This is excellent advice that I needed to hear badly. Thank you!

  17. December 10, 2012

    Awesome!

  18. Leisa
    December 10, 2012

    I love how you gathered your heroes, your mentors around you and chose to take on those characteristics, its hard..but oh so worth it!
    Nicely stated!

  19. suestitches
    December 10, 2012

    Evan, sometimes I think you can read my mind :) Almost every post deals with something I’m going through at that particular time! Thanks for this, I really, really needed it!!! :-D

  20. December 10, 2012

    Well said. We have our ups and downs but if we glean some wisdom from each experience and above all practice real love we will gain joy in our lives. You are doing very well indeed. :)

  21. mrmattpieroni
    December 10, 2012

    This is exactly where I am at in my enjoyment through and pursuit of the happy life. Every day is a learning opportunity and I agree with how you express this above.

  22. December 10, 2012

    Love… love is what makes it possible to set another free, to accept their CHOICE, even when it is not what we want. Who are we to EXPECT and ASK another to change their ways for us? It’s as ridiculous as asking the Sun to change its course. And it needs an OPEN heart. Vulnerabilty to what we cannot and should never attempt to control – another being. We are all little galaxies.

Love to hear from you!

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