Letting go of the past

I have to start out by saying that this lesson — letting go — has been the hardest thing I’ve ever learned in my life.

And for that reason, I feel like I can speak on it tonight.

I spent a majority of my lifetime trapped in the prison of the past.

I couldn’t get out.

I raged against it.

I couldn’t stop myself from going back and perpetuating a loop of guilt, sadness, depression and pulling from the dark corners of my heart. I was consumed by it.

Chased.

Hunted.

Ruined.

And yet, I’m here tonight writing away in peace.

A lot had to happen for this to take place. I think, in trying to figure out what I want to write about, that the best thing for me to do is tell you how I got out of that prison in the first place.

I went searching.

I started seeking out answers to why I was constantly feeling beaten down by life. I think at some point I knew deep down that life really shouldn’t be this difficult…right?

Books. Videos. Masters. Gurus. Teachers. Cultures. Traditions. Religions.

I dove into it all.

At first, this big net that I threw helped me feel like I was onto something. I knew that if I just kept hunting, that maybe somewhere I would find exactly what I was looking for.

Those answers showed up a lot later than I thought they would…

But in the end, they arrived.

And down the rabbit hole I went.

That seed that I planted yielded fields and fields of knowledge and wisdom that at times I had no idea what to do with.

But even more than that, as I continued to dive farther and farther in, I saw all of the dots in my life connect. I would read something and suddenly there would be a nugget of information that sparked something in my mind that happened 10+ years ago and I started to understand why it was happening.

I learned about mental states, emotions, true health, systems, business, and the list goes on and on.

But how does this have anything to do with the past?

It has everything to do with it.

When I was stuck in that prison, I couldn’t make sense of anything. I didn’t have any answers and because I was so blinded by my emotions I couldn’t find any way out.

But when I started to knock on the doors of the things I wanted to learn, everything shifted. Everything started to change.

And then, I became hooked.

I read as much as I could about anything that didn’t make sense to me. And the more I read, the more the prison walls started to come down and I could see that all of my issues and worries came out of not having access to wisdom or intution.

I’ve often found that letting go of the past only really comes when you go back to it and seek wisdom from it.

Anything else with it is no good.

I’ve been doing this a lot. There’s been a long year long conversation with myself over things that happened and I’ve started to see with much fresher eyes why things went down the way they did.

There have been some harder moments. Some memories have been much harder to get over than others. But in all, the practice is worth it.

It’s worth going back to work some things out with yourself if you’re going to do it in a healthy way. I have to say, I feel much more sorted now. I feel like I know a lot more about myself and who I am down to my core.

So for that, it’s worth it.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

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  • Fiona Jones
    July 18, 2018 at 10:10 pm

    I love the fact you recognised you had to go back to the past to move forward …. as long as we don’t stay there right! I think this is what I still need to work on.