“To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.” (Winston Churchill)
In many ways, this feels like the death of my soul.
How could you ever describe setting ablaze to the structures of old?
No more old ways. No turning back. There’s only forward. You can only go on.
There seems to be, in looking back, a very peculiar set of twists and turns that I have gone through. Not all of those moments have been pretty. Many have rocked me down to my foundation. And yet, even through the greatest moments of suffering and doubt they all had their unique purpose.
Some seem to have pounded me into submission.
Others have pressured me into becoming something stronger.
The Callings have continued to ring throughout the decisions and backtracks — often to the point of driving me mad — and I have learned how to answer them without second guessing their reasons.
And here I stand a product of a lifetime asking myself the question…
“What has this next lifetime always been destined to be?”
Because as I see myself now, I can see all of the ways that I have prevented myself from moving forward in life.
My identity — who I have thought myself to be — isn’t really the entire picture.
It’s just the surface of the lake.
But what about who I really am…deep down to my core?
What about the rest of the lake?
That’s what I want this next chapter to be about — the rest of the lake.
Part of that understanding is going to be the version of who I am now going back and reading the work of the person who I was.
Thousand upon thousands of entries scribbled down working through my patterns (some still present) that forged these foundations.
And this is a big but…
I have to remember that I just burned all of that down. As much as I can look back, there is no going back, and that’s that.
Theres only forward now.
There’s only onward.
What is done is done.
What is to be is left to a wiser mind.
Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project