So I have a little tip for everyone who has a little bit of social anxiety and has trouble making friends and connecting with other people and this one’s really gonna help you.
This will actually helped me a bunch because I’m a natural introvert but let me drop it on you. Instead of trying to figure out “Oh my god what am I gonna say right that’s going to make this other person like me…that they’re gonna see me in a good light?” and paralyzing yourself with not knowing what to say or not knowing what to do because you’re focusing so much on yourself…
Focus all of your energy on learning who that person is across from you.
Get fascinated with who they are. Se them as a mystery…this thing that you have to unfold and learn about and ask questions and and really discover what it is about that person that makes them tick!
When you become genuinely fascinated with another person and who they are and their past history, you’re going to start a conversation and you’re going to start building a relationship – one where they go “Wow this person is genuinely really interested in me…I wonder what it is about them too that’s also interesting?”
They’re also going to think you’re an unbelievable listener as they go on and talk about themselves and talk about their life and the memories that they have. people genuinely really love to talk about themselves.
So if you can take your focus off of you and being self conscious about not knowing what to say versus really wanting to learn about the person across from you, you are going to see a major major major shift in your relationships.
So you have to direct the focus from you to them. Learn who they are. Learn what makes them tick. See how many questions you can ask. Make it authentic of course. You don’t want to be just like a robot with it but really just go “Like I wonder who that person is?”
Naturally in turn you’re going to start a conversation and build a relationship that’s going grow like crazy.
Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project
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