It might be a bit strange to say this at this point, but I’m accepting full responsibility for how all of this goes.
My life. My body. My spirit. My feelings. My thoughts. My actions.
All of it.
I think for a long time I was leaking some of that power. I think a lot of that had to do with my past. Maybe there was some blame still there. Maybe there was an unwillingness to take full responsibility because if I did then that would mean there was no one else to have any say in how things have turned out.
I can see that pretty clearly now. I can see how that kept me from becoming who I am truly meant to be.
The past few days since the turn of the year have been…transformational.
They have represented a metamorphosis of thinking, responsibility, awareness and effort towards creating something that I have seen in my mind time and time again. Everything that has come across my path has had a very clear meaning to me and I can see how I am continually steered in the direction that I am already headed on.
Once in a while I go just a bit off the path and then something in life happens to guide me right back on track.
Going back and reading many of my old blogs has been enlightening in other ways. It has helped me really get back in touch with how things started and who I was back then. I can see the mistakes in thinking, the errors in judgement, the victories and the thirst to connect with myself on a deeper level.
I can see that young man trying.
I’m proud of that.
Often, when you go through these spiritual journeys, pieces of you feel like they are dying off. Who you thought you were – or constructed yourself to be – is often pretty far off from who you really are.
I had a very large period of anxiety throughout the past few months where I was being taken in one direction but my mind kept on trying to keep me latched on to the old. For a while, it was quite successful. However, I think with patience even the most challenging of times shift.
Now, having stepped into what I’ve known I should have really been doing all along, things are moving very quickly.
My mind was like a big dam stopping as much as it could from flowing downstream. I removed that wall and off I went.
The more and more I go through all of this the more I come to the same conclusion that my spirit knows exactly what’s good for me and often I have to usher along my mind and discipline it to just listen. It puts up one hell of a fight and throws every story at me possible, but when I finally get past that, everything that takes place is far better than I could have imagined.
I have to learn to trust that intuition even more and more.
You never know where life is going to take you. It could throw a massive curveball at you and take you in a direction that you never thought you would go. Most of the time, being at war with that direction – a healthy direction – is what causes so much suffering.
You have to go with it.
You can’t be at war with life…you will lose. I’ve learned that lesson well.
You have to be with it. Trust in it. Trust in yourself and your wisdom.
You will never go wrong.
Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project