As I Walk Amongst The Diamonds

I’ve been following this treasure map for quite some time now and just recently arrived to the place I have been seeking all this time.

Funny thing about this map is, that place where the X marks the spot was beneath me the entire time.

There’s this interesting feeling you have when you are digging into the ground in anticipation of the shovel striking metal. At times, you dig in an area and come up with nothing.

Hmm, that’s not quite it. 

You know you’re close, but maybe not in the right spot so you continue on. You keep digging in another place. After a handful of tries, you finally feel it…

Clink

Then there’s this feeling, like slipping your hand in a perfectly shaped glove…

You know you’re there.

And for me…it was being here. 

Throughout most of my life I went on escapades and took on journeys seeking something. I was looking for something and never found it. I was scanning the earth aiming to find this place, or someone, or something that would finally soothe the anxiety that flowed through my soul.

But I never found it.

I never found it because it was never there. 

It was always here. 

It was always right within me, and the only thing I needed to do was turn within to finally understand that I wasn’t lacking anything. My greatest bliss, my paradise, was already here. But since I was looking there, I could never find it.

Turning within to discover what was inside has shown me more than anything else in this lifetime.

It was holding these moments with profound love and care that helped me heal, that soothed the raging fury that was burrowed deep within my bones and helped me become a much gentler, patient, loving man.

The wounds started to heal.

And then, the insights came.

I looked back on my life discovered that I had a different set of eyes and understanding for what had taken place. At times, sadness, pain, and anger would erupt from the ancient records of past trauma. But with time, those faded and exited from who I now was.

I was now walking amongst my own field of diamonds and could see them for the first time.

I could not understand that I didn’t have to change, manipulate, or control life to make it into what I wanted it to be. I could gently move in a new direction with an intention built from my heart and within an instant my entire world would change.

The profound realization that how I held this moment determined my entire life came to the front row and stared directly back at me. From then on, I was never the same.

In many ways, I have been brought back home to who I was always meant to be.

This anxious past movement around life drove my unhappiness.

But the settling, breathing, learning, and melting into life as the way it is now has soothed all of these desires to escape. There’s nothing to escape from.

No walls.

No cages.

There’s only the understanding that I create the experience and the experience plays back to me. I sow and reap. I am not only the paint, but the paintbrush and the canvas.

With this, I wish to spread my arms to heal not only myself but others.

I feel home.

Being here.

Perfectly sitting upon this moment.

Evan Sanders | The Better Man Project

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